Friday, 27 September 2013

I'm a woman, are you?

They say life out there is tough for women, because the world order - politics, economy, culture - is constructed by men. 

Maybe it's true. But is it? Sometimes, or even often times, the roughest battle for women is to handle women themselves.

From childhood until golden ages of "success" (=be it herself or her spouse), women compete to look best. We talk about other women on what they wear, how they look, where they shop, which salon they go to, who they date; everything! Taking their say serously can be a drain of energy.

When women do stupid things, men will laugh, but women will recall it whenever they want.

When office affairs happen, the first thing men will blame is the woman a for being such b**ch that makes men lose his grip, and so will women.

When a woman chooses to be a housewife, career women will accuse her for being too dependant; her job is nothing but throwing away her husband's  money. When one chooses to be a career women, housewife will call her irresponsible for leaving her husband and kids to maids. 

When a woman has her own way of parenting, other women will call her "wrong", or ever "not a good mom", without even thinking about trying to put their feet on her shoes.

When a woman chooses not to get married, or for some reason delay their marriage, men will call her desperate, while women call her "not being a real woman for not having a family"

All married women know exactly how it is annoying or even hurts with the "when are you going to have a baby?" question, but they can't help herself not to ask such question. 

We all hate to be stereotyped, but we can't just help ourselves not to stereotype other women. Why do we always find a way to let other women down?

Yes men are cruel to us for ruling the world system we are living now in their own way, so why should we add more cruelty to to ourselves?

So let's stop calling ourselves with names we don't like. Stop letting them down. Every woman is gifted and kind-hearted. This world needs strong women to raise world's best minds and talents. Whatever we do, whatever we CHOOSE to do, is for a reason, be it for her better cause or people who surrounded her. Men have numerous ways of letting women down, so please don't add the misery.

Cheer up. You're a woman :)

Tuesday, 19 March 2013

The Scarlet Letter

Get rid of all your negative thinking

Life is full of choice, and opportunities

Grab one of them, or some or even many if you can

Embrace it, ACCEPT it

If you can't, find something to hold on to

To be your source of happiness

Don't worry, don't hesitate

Life is a rolling wheel

Everything has its turn

It's just a matter of time

There is always a good thing in you, in every phase of your life

As long as you believe it

You make mistake, you can't resist it

There are times when you feel like being so stupid for letting it happen

Regret it, but don't make it haunt you

Move on, be responsible

Face it with your sweetest smile

Look back, for it become your lesson

Life for today, because happiness is about "the power of now"

Foresee the future, for it become your guideline of your cause

Stand up, and you are ready to face the world!

Friday, 21 September 2012

Moving on

The sun is heading west, moving between those skyscrapers viewed from the window of my room. It's Thursday afternoon, and thanks to Jakarta's governor election, all day I'm home. And muted.

I'm left alone for the next a week, the first time since our wedding 4-sharp months ago. I will miss the endless chatty days we always have everyday until he's back.

And this is why it's time for me to mind to turn my head again to this blog, after being abandoned for some time.

Yes, we have been very busy lately. Busy to get used to the evolution of our life, from a single fighter to a married couple. And it's not easy, as expected.

As a good cook from the beginning (let's pretend so!), cooking for two is a bless, but cleaning double dishes is energy draining. So is cleaning and tiding up a room of two, especially because of the different habits and values that each our parents have planted in our minds long before we met.

And those just some silly examples, actually.

We've been also very busy chatting. We do it in every chance we have, because we love to. We love speaking thoughts, views, feelings, and repeat it again, and again in another session. Sometimes it's just too much, time consuming, and boring, but we just don't want to stop. In fact this is what our foundation is based upon, to survive even long before we decide to get married.

I remember staying up late just to talk on the phone with him. Internet connection was awful back then, especially in his place, so we didn't do video calls. More than half of our relationship was a long-distance one. We only had less than 10 days in a year for seeing each other. So chatting, by phone and texts, was our only means to stay together. And it is embodied in our marriage's character even when we are now living under one roof.

Oh how I am so drowned in the euphoria of marriage that I write all this. But I hope it will last, as I'm sure every new couple also have similar wish.

PS: I put these photos just to express my "spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings"

And not forget the honeymoon :-p

Tuesday, 5 June 2012

Kapan Kawin?*

A one million dollar question...

It flooded towards me and anyone in the family at their 20-ish (or more) during every family gathering. All kinds of gatherings. The middle-aged relatives should've aware that for some of the kids it goes sensitive especially those who are still (desperately) looking or who are in a relationship that goes nowhere. But the elderlies? They are too insensitive to be aware of it.

For me? The only thing that annoyed me when facing that question is that I had to keep telling the same clause hundred times in a day to different people. In fact, their attitude are tolerable because of the "generation gap" we have between the elderlies and us which make us different in controlling life arena. So minding it seriously for your decision to get married is somewhat irrelevant.

So in fact, I didn't mind with the question. Why would I feel intimidated with such question? I had my own plan already. I knew when to make such a life decision and it was only me who understand me. Any external pressure would not affect me as I knew the time was eventually coming anyway, and it was me who decide.

Getting married is about planning your current life and life ahead. It's not about being ready or not, because there will be no ready if you don't calculate the possibilities. So plan it, and you will know what to do and nothing will shake or press you to do things you have not expected. And certainly it has nothing to do with your biological age; being not old enough (or young enough?), but moving to the next stage of maturity.

And if the decision is made on your own without any interference, no one needs to be blamed for anything happening resulting from it. Manage your expectation, for it become the guide you will hold on to for your decision.

And last but not least, be aware of your decision, for it make you accept the life you have, be responsible and grateful about it.

Well, perhaps it is easier for me to say it now because I had a perfect relationship back then. We were so open about our feelings and  plans and now I am married to a perfect husband. We knew exactly what we were doing; we were optimistic about it. That is why when the time came, we made the decision, no matter what others (esp. family and relatives) had previously and would comment (including the question "Kapan kawin?"). And luckily, perhaps, we had no issues with each other's family. (it's a huge contributing factor for the success of our relationship) :p

Yet it is also easier for me to say this because I am a newly wed, who see my marriage life nothing but beautiful. Wait until the nightmare attacks! (which I hope not :p)

Anyway, being married will not stop me from making an answer. In fact, the next one million dollar question from the elderlies will be "Kapan punya anak?"**

Bandung, 5 June 2012

*) When are you going to get married?
**) When are you going to have a baby?

Saturday, 21 April 2012

Brain Freeze

Teenagers today might associate the phrase "brain freeze" with the experience of drinking 711's "Slurpee". But for me, the experience of brain freeze is:

1. Unable to write a thought (Do I even think? Is the brain even THERE?)

2. Writing in bad language, in bad English

3. Unable to guess a song being played

4. Forgetting what printed newspaper looks like

5. Letting fingers dance on Blackberry's Qwerty pad better than on the piano (OH do I play piano?)

I am too busy counting days now, and by the time I can stop counting, will the brain freeze melt?



Women Competition

A pretty lady talked to me. She said a lady with such appearance of mine should not work as a public official. She said that, my appearance will change overtime, because of my choice of work. First of all, she stigmatized the appearance of public officials. Second of all, she stigmatized me, a woman, by appearance, not respecting the choice of life I make. 

It is sad to see that in the middle of permissive world, stereotype still exists. Even more stereotypes go to women. And such discourse is not rarely started by women themselves.

The struggle for gender equality within society was about respecting and understanding the uniqueness of women and men and how they can both involve in public life with equal rights, opportunities, and make their own choice in their participation within society and development. I know when it comes to gender equality, it is women who have not yet been able to fully enjoy the privilege, thanks to the world order that is build under patriarchal values. 

Gender equality is still way to achieve. Yet it is women who need to strive to keep the issue alive. But somehow the stigma among women themselves holds the positive debates.

Admit it. We are competitive. We are easily jealous to other women. And we like to talk about other women because of it. 

We are competitive in small things, say like appearance. We're trying damn hard to look beautiful by putting makeup, dressing up, wearing expensive stuff (which is not always good stuff), painful stiletto, mostly to win the competition of being beautiful among women around. Admit it!

And to create such benchmark, we talk about those who are not in the "standard" of beauty. We talk about women who are more fat, who don't have smooth skin. We stigmatized women! 

The stigma even goes beyond the non-essential stuff. Some career women call full-time housewives weak because they don't recognize public life, housewives call career women not real women because they cannot fully take care of their family. 

Which one is correct? Whoever makes it as their choice of life, not demands from others. We need to respect whatever women's appearance, and whatever women's choice of life, as long as they use their rights to do so.

So please, ladies, stop stigmatizing each other and start take care of ourselves. Respect each other's choice and let's walk together to strive our full rights in the society!

*impulsive writing in the spirit of Kartini's day :-p*


Saturday, 31 December 2011

Have a little patience

It took patience to get the chance to speak what you want to speak about..

It took patience to not to speak what you shouldn't speak about..

It took patience to listen to bad stories, and good ones too..

It took patience to wait for the time you wait for to come..

Have a little patience, time is moving forward anyway..