It's My Small World

Have a little patience

2011-12-31T22:33:00.000+07:00

It took patience to get the chance to speak what you want to speak about..

It took patience to not to speak what you shouldn't speak about..

It took patience to listen to bad stories, and good ones too..

It took patience to wait for the time you wait for to come..

Have a little patience, time is moving forward anyway..

This is my December: decisions!

2011-12-31T22:08:00.001+07:00

Another moment of seconds to New Year's Eve, and like I often do during such time: staying in my bedroom. The only difference with last year and the previous years, my bedroom is in Indonesia's busiest urban life.

Another year is about to pass, leaving good and bad memories to keep and to learn from. And not to forget experiences it has given.

For me, this year, 2011, has been the year of decisions. Well, I made countless personal decisions during my time of living for almost a quarter century. But this year is special, because now I find that personal decision means not only for me, but also for others.

Yes, this year I have made one of the most important decisions for my life. Considering a marriage. And while I am heading to it, any other decisions I am about to make will take my spouse and all of his interests into my considerations before making any of my personal decision.

This will be a whole new idea of my life. The notion "personal" will be no longer me myself as one entity, but the one entity will be me and my spouse. ~~And soon, when the duet owns juniors, one entity of me being "personal" will be even bigger.~~

In this year, things were getting different already. The simplest obvious proof is just a few hours ago that I was about to make my own budget planning for 2012 like I always did every new year comes, but then realized it will not work anymore because my next year's budget planning will be totally new. It will be not only for and from myself.

I am in the process of entering a new phase of my life, and the shift of my personal decision-making process will be one of the indicators.

Some might say that personal decision should be pure from others interference. I agree in some ways, but not in this case. Personal decision driven for the life of others important is a LIFE SIGNIFICANT PROGRESS, as it is a new phase of my life which means bigger responsibility for the life and happiness of others. It is not the same with personal decision driven by external pressure which is actually unnecessary and often misleading: it benefits no one, not even yourself. That is the one I will never agree and hope not to do it.

This will change the way I will live the rest of my life, and it begins in 2012. So I am ready for 2012, and so I am ready for another years to come!!

Equal Treatment?

2011-07-03T12:00:00.000+07:00

I have to say how annoyed I am to see today's trend in several malls that they actually provide parking lot especially and specifically for ladies! What so "special" about (we) ladies to deserve such privilege? I would say it's undermining our position to obtain the so-called equal treatment with men. Yes, it's undermining. People with special assistance (ill people, disabilities) deserve that big time. And ladies, I'm pretty sure we don't want to be regarded as part of those needing "special treatment" because we and our precedents have promoted equal treatment for decades.

Speaking of equal treatment, I do agree in terms of women obtaining equal rights to make our own choice. Yes, we want to do something or not to do something because of our own will and choice, not being pushed or enforced by any means. And I do agree the equal rights in taking opportunity. We are open or not open to opportunities - education, employment, PARKING LOT - because we are like the rest of the world's population, not because simply we are women. That is why I don't like this idea of ladies parking lot because it declares that women are "different".

However, speaking further about equal treatment between men and women, I cannot apply at some point, especially when it comes to the fact that women are inevitably vulnerable. One obvious example is that, women are vulnerable to attacks or abuses during the evening, especially late in the evening. Men and women has clearly different physicality that make the two different even they deserve the equal rights and treatment. That is why, in this case, I would say women deserve an "excuse" for not walking around at night OR extra protection (than men) when walking alone at night, by a more women-friendly facilities or law and regulations perhaps?

BUT STILL, women vulnerability won't justify us deserve ladies parking lot. I'd prefer more protection facilities to keep me safe walking alone at night than a special parking lot, please...

Leaders!

2011-06-25T13:34:00.001+07:00

I have never really taken any official leadership position, nor were asked to try one. So this post might not be reliable enough, but let me share what I learn from leaders I have ever worked and dealt with, both the good and not-so-good ones:

1. A leader is a teacher. You have no idea what your subordinate can do if you just spend just a little of your busy time to share your experience and knowledge about how to do things. You also will not have any idea how it will relieve so much of your burden afterwards from only that "little time."

2. A leader is a motivator. You know your team works based upon your direction. If you say you can, they'll think they'll can too. If you don't have spirit, they'll think they don't too.

3. A leader needs to trust, not press. There is a huge difference when you trust and when you press. Trust makes people encouraged to pull out self-potentials, pressure make people panic, yet uncreative.

4. A leader needs to respect. Good work deserves credits. The first bad work needs warning, and lesson learned to be taken. More bad work deserves discredits.

5. A leaders knows how to laugh. Come on, life isn't that serious! You need to keep your image, but don't hesitate to show some of your fun side, without having to lose your integrity as a leader. But don't laugh all the time!

"Tong Kosong Nyaring Bunyinya"

2011-04-17T14:35:00.000+07:00

When you do great, truly great, you will not say it out loud and show everything to proof that you are great. The two-and-half-hourly speechwriting training for six days gave that important lesson.

During the training, I had the opportunity to meet some among great people behind the speeches of Presiden RI and Menlu. Even the main lecturer has had a five-president experience of writing such speeches.

And definitely, these guys make me realize that my writing ability is actually even below peanut. But I remember clearly how "sok tahu" I was when I first learned to write.

As I started reading materials and theories about good writing, I felt like I was already really smart for accomplishing my very little time of learning, acting as if I am the Ms. who-knows-it-all-about-writing. And apparently it's so usually what happen to people when they started to learn something.

When we start to learn something new - language, musical instrument, etc - we tend to be super excited as we start to get the feel of what we learn. And that is time where we feel to be that Mr./Ms. know-it-all. In fact, at that point we are just like a baby who start to learn to walk (yes, learn to walk means you cannot walk). But the excitement of getting the feel is then actualized by saying it out loud and showing it off to proof our new acquired ability (which is actually not yet really acquired).

Meanwhile, an expert, in contrast, would not act that way. They don't have to proof anything since their ability is already being recognized.

Hence, this story proofs the saying "Tong Kosong Nyaring Bunyinya." When our brain is empty, or about to get filled, we tend to say it out loud as if we are already fully filled. I was there, and that's human, I guess….

So I just hope I WON'T do that again and learn to be more decent.....

Ambition vs. Target

2011-04-17T14:26:00.000+07:00

Honestly, for all these times, I find myself having no idea what is the exact meaning of the word "ambition."

I hear the word and its derivations a lot lately, even I myself use it quite often. And not to forget my batch also. We have used the Spanish version of the word "ambicioco (mucho)" countless times, to refer to those who looked really serious when it comes to Kemlu-substance matters.

I also have heard many confess to be an ambitious person (although when the question of "what is your ambition" is asked afterwards, many of them failed to answer).

Yes, that's the problem. Failure to elaborate. If you cannot explain, how can you use the term to refer to yourself or others.

That's my problem. That is why I don't know what "ambition" is and means, and that's why I would never consider myself as an "ambitious" person.

But I do know one thing, it's the word "target." To me, it is one thing in life that I can see it clearly from afar, and I have the willing to go to grab it. The reason why I can see it is because I have set myself up to be able to see it. That is why I also do know the notion of "setting up target."

So far, my ability to "set up target" only lies to five years ahead. And when the question of that "what is" comes to me, I with 100% confidence know how to answer. I would say I have two targets that I have set up (and I won't be too open to explain the details here, but I promise my targets are REAL!). But if the question includes what is after five years pass, I have no idea what to say.

So are you ambitious, or a person with targets? ;)

Jakarta, 160411

(Wo)manly as I can be

2011-03-26T21:35:00.000+07:00

Long not-so-straight hair, slim body, fair complexion, small face, make me appear truly like a female..

Handbags, high heels, (sometimes) pencil skirt, earings, make me appear truly like a woman..

Would all those make me a sinner when I don't behave and act like what I appear?

---

26032011

suatu hari di stasiun...

2011-01-21T21:58:00.000+07:00

dua orang pria tampan, satu berusia sekitar akhir 20an sampai 30an, satu berusian sekitar 8 tahun, berdiri menunggu kedatangan metro jurusan hellerup. sang pria besar, yang sang pria kecil panggil "daddy", bersetelan kantor gelap dengan coat rapih, menggunakan topi musim dingin berpenutup telinga yang membuatnya terlihat lucu, menjinjing tas kantor hitam di tangan kirinya sementara di pundak kanannya menenteng back pack kecil bewarna merah ngejreng milik sang pria kecil, yang membuatnya terlihat semakin lucu - manis lebih tepatnya. sang pria kecil menggunakan winter jacket bewarna merah terang dan menggunakan topi yang agak kebesaran sehingga menutupi matanya. kedua pria ini terlihat asik bercakap dalam bahaas inggris..

mereka sedang asik bermain tebak-tebakan. sang pria kecil, mengangkat wajahnya setinggi mungkin agar dapat melihat "daddy" yang tingginya lebih dari dua kali lipat tinggi badannya, berkata "i spy on something blue.." dan "daddy" menebak benda biru di sekitarnya yang dimaksud oleh sang pria kecil. "daddy" berhasil menebak, kemudian giliran ia memberikan petunjuk "i spy on something red.." sang pria kecil dengan semangat menunjuk benda merah di sekitarnya menebak yang dimaksud "daddy". mereka berdua sama-sama tertawa riang menikmati dunia bermainnya sendiri, melupakan statusnya masing-masing sebagai seorang pria besar dewasa dan pria kecil bocah. sampai metro datang, mereka pun berhenti bermain.

di stasiun hellerup, mereka turun dari metro dan berjalan menuruni tangga menuju lorong bawah tanah untuk keluar stasiun. sang pria kecil lari dengan penuh semangat sambil berteriak girang. "daddy" berlari-lari kecil tepat di belakang sang pria kecil dengan wajah tak kalah girang.

mereka keluar melalui tangga di sebelah kiri kemudian menghilang.

bagiku pemandangan yang paling indah adalah pemandangan yang bisa membuatku tersenyum.. pemandangan yang manis.. mereka telah membuatku tersenyum sepanjang perjalanan menuju kantor..

Kisah Bijak Menjelang Tambah Usia: Dari Wisma

2011-01-18T21:09:00.001+07:00

Seperti hari-hari biasanya selama saya tinggal di Wisma Duta, tadi malam saya dan teman-teman staf wisma makan malam bersama di meja makan dapur sambil berbagi cerita apa saja. Ketika kami sedang membahas harga cabe yang kian mahal, salah satu staf wanita rumah tangga wisma (PRT) sampai pada cerita tentang sanak keluarganya yang berjualan sayuran di pasar di Jakarta.

(rekonstruksi)

Ibu A: "Ipar saya jualan sayur di pasar. Dia gak pelit, kalo harga lagi murah, suka ngasih lebih ke pelanggan.. Sayur-sayurannya juga bagus-bagus dan fresh.. Jualannya udah banyak, belanja dagangan bisa ampe 2 juta per hari. Tapi dia harus nyewa gudang buat nyimpen barang dan perlengkapan dagangannya. Sebulan bayar sewaan ampe 600 ribu.."

Ibu B: "Kenapa ga gelar dagangan di teras depan rumah aja? Kan terasnya cukup gede buat dagangan? Jadi kan ga usah mahal-mahal nyewa gudang buat nyimpen barang-barang.."

Ibu A: "Gak mungkin.. Di depan rumah udah ada temennya anak saya dagangan sayur juga.. Kasian dia kalau kita gelar daganagna di situ.. Kita gak mau ngerebut rejeki orang.."

Saya: "(dalam hati) LUAR BIASA.."

Ibu ini dan keluarganya bisa dibilang ekonominya pas-pasan. Mereka mencari nafkah untuk sekedar dapat bertahan menghidupi keluarganya dan menyekolahkan anak-anaknya. Mungkin berat bagi mereka mengumpulkan uang untuk dapat memenuhi kebutuhan hidupnya. Walaupun begitu, mereka masih sempat merelakan kesempatan untuk mengumpulkan uang lebih banyak demi membukakakn pintu bagi orang lain untuk mencari nafkah.

Ketika saya punya ambisi, saya akan mengupayakan segala cara untuk mencapainya. Dan seringkali saya melupakan kebutuhan dan kepentingan orang lain. Kompromi. Ya, saya lupa untuk berkompromi. Saya tidak pernah memikirkan apakah saya akan merugikan orang lain jika saya mengejar ambisi saya. Saya tidak pernah berpikir apakah akan ada orang lain yang terpukul akibat sikap saya dalam mengejar keinginan saya. Saya tidak pernah berpikir apakah keinginan saya ini menghambat orang lain untuk memenuhi kebutuhannya, bukan sekedar keinginan semata.

Ibu ini baru saja menyadarkan saya akan hal tersebut tadi malam, beberapa jam menuju hari ulang tahun saya. Sebuah pelajaran berharga menjelang bertambahnya usia saya.

Kesederhanaan pikiran dia dan orang-orang sepertinya mengajarkan saya untuk ingat akan berbagi. Ambisi memang penting untuk dicapai, namun jangan sampai menbuat kita lupa untuk bersyukur dengan apa yang kita sudah miliki. Ego yang berlebihan hanya akan menghancurkan kita jika membuat orang lain harus kehilangan haknya. Ambisi akan menajdi berkah ketika kita dapat menjaga keamanan dan kenyamanan orang lain dalam memenhi kebutuhannya. Ambisi perlu disertai dengan kompromi. You do right, people will do right to you..

Saya hanya bisa mendoakan mereka semoga selalu mendapatkan berkah atas kesederhanaannya.

Kopenhagen, 18 Januari 2011

Year of People

2011-01-03T15:52:00.001+07:00

Another new year has come. I embrace every new year with a 365-day experience behind that taught me great lessons of life. Last year had been amazing - new life, new job, new friends, new phase of relationship with the same boyfriend - but not to deny the fact that bitter events were just unavoidable.Those new stuff of 2010 highlighted particularly one lesson I notice: PEOPLE.

People a.k.a. humans are just complex. You just can't predict them. No matter how hard we observe or we learn people. you just can't fully understand them. You've tried to guess their characteristics and treat them carefully but sometimes (and even often) you just end up doing wrong.

People are sensitive. They make a cycle of mood in a certain period of time, and you just can't predict the pattern.

But you can never judge people for being right or wrong. When one does or act something you think you don't like, you can't blame them. People were born in a different environment, different time, different family, and it develops their characteristics. Moreover, as life goes on, they experience different way of life, different choice of life, different opportunity, different education, and hence those shape diverse thoughts and attitudes among people. Therefore, you just need to accept the way they are and (perhaps) make a strategy of how to treat them (even if they are unpredictable, at least we make an effort to treat them correctly).

And hell no, there is no way you can change them. When people change, they CHOOSE to change, not you who change it. You can only share your thought while motivating them.

People are social creatures. Consequently, they love to talk, which is good. People love to talk about themselves to gain acknowledgment, which is good as well. The only problem is when they don't know when stop talking about themselves. We just can't listen to everything. There are just things that we don't want to know about them because we've got our own things in our life. And people have to switch themselves between being a speaker and a listener evenly. If you love to talk, you also need to love to listen for the sake of a balance social interaction.

People make their own choice. Therefore, they can't depend on others. I can't depend on others. I am an individual who stand up for myself and survive myself. I want to be defined as I am, not as someone sticking to a group that I depend on. I make my own choice. I am people.

Yes, yesterday is lessons learned and tomorrow is lessons to learn. My life is getting more and more dynamic as I grow 20s. There are tons of things I have to learn. Last year is the year I learned a lot about people, and it gave me lessons about myself as part of people. And now I am ready to welcome another lesson this year, whatever it is.

Happy New Year!

True Home

2010-12-08T17:51:00.001+07:00

If at the previous post I shared the concept of home that is not necessarily bounded a "land", now I'd only like to share a short post about one thing that it's home that only has. Yes, the-all-about-Indonesia stuff - people, language, food, working culture - can represent home for a while, but I start to feel that it cannot make me feel home forever. There is one thing missing that cannot be replace by anything this land can ever provide.

During the first three weeks, I enjoyed every "Indonesia" I could possibly reach. I spent 95% of my time doing Indonesia; it's the land that make it a little bit different. But that did not matter to me at all. As long as I felt like I was home, I would enjoy it to the maximum.

But now, after one month, I miss my family, I miss every single person that I love. I want to touch them, feel their spirit and their presence near me. It's only the proximity with them that I can get to feel it. But they are far away now. Skype, YM, phone call, and SMS can temporarily satisfy me, but those can NEVER replace the being near them physically. A true home, apparently, gives me chance not only to taste "home" as I defined previously, but also to feel being near those people I love and care about the most.

No matter how "Indonesia" my life in this Viking land, it will never be a home to me. My true home is there at the distant, across the sea and lands, where my family and everyone I love and care about are living. Still, my argument sticks that it's not the land that define home. But I need to add one more argument; home is where my heart belongs to.

My heart belongs to my beloved ones.

Diversity

2010-11-14T05:22:00.003+07:00

This does explain that diversity still shares common view of having fun..

Salute to Matt Harding for making this video!!

Home(land)

2010-11-14T04:29:00.001+07:00

Yes, it's not my first time going abroad for non-tourism purpose (it was even only once for such purpose). What makes this time's visit different comparing to the previous ones is that I'll not only visit the place, but I'll be staying for 3 months, and I come to work, not as a student anymore.

Coming to a foreign country for a totally different purpose makes a big difference to what I feel about being abroad. After spending 7 days in this cold-windy-gloomy city of Copenhagen, I can so far come into general understanding about this situation. Yet it makes me also wonder about the relationship between "home" and "land" as well as the notion "homeland."

I am going to compare the overseas visits I have had before and I am experiencing at the moment.

In 2005, when I went abroad for the first time (well, I wouldn't count my birthland as part of my overseas experience). I went there with 8 Indonesian friends of mine, to attend a regional conference, my first conference ever. I felt so away from home, even I only went to a neighboring country. The situation was, none of us are familiar enough with the country. To survive, we struggled ourselves. We were lost together. We went out together to try out local foods. We interacted, during the conference, with delegates from more than 10 countries. We spent half of our ten-day visit using English to communicate. We even CREATED language of our own (today I call it "alay"). Being in another country with such experience make me feel unusual; I went to a place different from the place I have been living for since I started to feel my existence in this world.

My second experience of going overseas was also important. That time in 2008 I went to a country that is literally far away from home. In addition to the fact that I was physically so far away, I was definitely mentally away. I was completely alienated. I went alone from Indonesia, and no other Indonesia would be there at the event. I met and interact with people from 80 countries, spoke non-stop English for more than 5 days, tried to get to know the city with the other foreigners, got lost with them, and ate local food with those foreigners. It was another great experience of mine, where I need to survive myself as a perfect stranger.

At the moment, I have been staying in Copenhagen for 7 days. Do I feel far away from home? Obviously NO, at least not yet. I am fully aware that I am going to be far away from home for quite a while; it's the longest time I have ever left home. But I don't feel like I am a complete stranger. The cause for that is obvious.

When I first landed in the city, I was picked up by Indonesians just after several steps from the plane. The word I spoke for the first time is an Indonesian word. As I arrived at the guest house, a place of which I am going to stay for three months, I was welcomed by Indonesian guest house staff, and of course the Ambassador. And so I keep speaking Bahasa Indonesia at the guest house. The moment I spoke my non-mother tongue effectively came 6 days since the day I arrived here, and it was because I went out for a workshop.

As I first entered the office, all I see is Indonesian people. They are people I interact with most of the time, from 8 to 5, during weekdays. At the evening, I stayed at the guest house of course I see more of less the same thing. Meeting Indonesian people is my daily view in Copenhagen.

The staff at the guest house, they serve Indonesian food the whole time, which makes me eat Indonesian food the whole time. Yes, they cook various super delicious Indonesian food, and it makes me not interested to try any other food outside. But it's not until the 6th day when I went to a workshop that I finally (had to) taste(ed) local food, which I don't like, so far.

Even every time I go out, I always have someone, one of the office's staff, to guide. So I don't need to take adventure myself to go anywhere or to get to know the city. Everything is provided and covered, by them.

In fact, during my first week in living abroad, I did not change my habits and customs as an Indonesia. I did not touch the country's life. I am not in the land of Indonesia at the moment, but I feel like I am home just because I feel no different life. It brings me into conclusion that being at home does not necessarily being at the land where the home lies. Home is not always attached to land. Home is about doing what we are accustomed to. Land is just the platform of home, not what builds it. Therefore, homeland cannot be considered as a home when it does not or is no longer support the elements of habits and customs.

Well, my judgement could be wrong. I am not sure of what happens for the rest 11 weeks, and so I cannot guarantee that I will remain feeling like I'm home. And I'm pretty sure I could also be different when it comes to the real posting. So i would just enjoy my time dealing with completely familiar stuff in a completely alien city.

And I am. I am enjoying my time so much living in this place as part of the Embassy.

The Cutest Monkey

2010-08-30T21:49:00.002+07:00

Let me tell you my most favorite cartoon at the moment:

I first saw George on its TV series on ANTV, and I just love it!! Not only is this monkey cute, but also the show is very educative. It gives useful lessons for pre-school kids, such as how to count, how to plant, and even how to GO GREEN in a very simple yet understandable way!

In addition to giving smart lesson for kids, it gives valuable lesson for me as well. Curious George is a portray of kids in general who are naive and always curious. George causes lots of trouble because of his curiosity but the elders surrounds him never get angry with him. In fact, they offer George a solution for the mess he causes that becomes a good lesson for him. He's never blamed for being curious; he's encouraged to learn from his curiosity. I think this is really what to do to treat a kid.

But most of all, I like this cartoon because George is soooo cute!

If there is really a monkey like him,,,,,,,,
I WANNA HAVE ONE!! :) :) :)

God's Hand

2010-08-30T21:21:00.001+07:00

It happened last night. I was on my way to go home, taking a ride on my friend's motorcycle from a small reunion with my high school mates. I carried a handbag that I put it on my right shoulder and while carrying a plastic bag containing a box of bookpotjes I bought from a friend of mine with my left hand. During the motorcycle journey, I had a intense chat with my friend, and I didn't watch the road we passed.

When we reached Jalan Surapati, I remembered there were not many vehicles around; it was so deserted. Suddenly near the turnaround under the flyover, a motorcycle moved pretty close to our left side. The rider, a woman, shouted to me and said:

"Mbak, tasnya jangan ditaroh dipinggir, nanti dijambret. Dipangku aja."

And she moved away.

So with reflect I moved my handbag. I didn't even have the time to thank because she had disappeared so fast.

I never recognized her, and she never recognized me. We never recognized each other, and definitely she had no particular interest with me. But she came to me specially, with effort, only to remind me to carry my handbag more carefully on the motorcycle. Even though it was not certain whether there was a rob around me or not, she might have saved my day, and most importantly, she has given me a great lesson of how to carry a handbag on a motorcycle.

I am sure it was not without reason that woman came to me to tell such thing. It was God's hand that made it happen. God tried to save me from any possible robbery by sending her around to tell me of that. God does use His hands to direct His creature's destiny. Last night, He used His hand to save me from an unfortunate incident.

Yet it was not the first time He sent someone to direct my path. At least I can remember His work to me since I entered university until today. Yes, there have been so many people he sent to me to direct my path, my way in life. Even during the selection process of the Ministry last year, I felt the world with its people were very supportive that it ease my way to succeed. I believed God played a role in it.

It is interesting how someone we don't expect and even recognize can actually direct our path. It is illogical how someone who doesn't have any interest to us actually put their effort to affect our lives. But that proves that God does exist. God can use His hands to freely send whoever He wishes to help me. God can use His hands to make the world seems to move around only for me. It's only God who can do it.

I am so grateful that He has sent many people to save me, and perhaps, He can use His hands to send me to someone to direct his/her path. I hope so... :)

Feels Like Yesterday

2010-08-07T18:05:00.002+07:00

Just a year ago, exactly a year ago, it was 1 week after I was announced a new graduate. I had just undertaken my first job interview, and submitted my application for the Ministry. I was drown in the euphoria of graduating and did not have any vision of where I was going to work. I was only thinking of working in the media, PR consulting, MNCs, or university, but did not even imagine of working at the Ministry, because I knew I would never pass the test.

It feels like yesterday...

But today, exactly one year since I submitted that application, I have been living in the Ministry's dorm, undertaking Junior Diplomat's Academy for over 6 months, preparing my final paper before fully serving for the Ministry.

..........

Just until a few years ago, it took me 6 weeks of waiting to see my boyfriend who worked in an island 3000 miles away from the island where I lived. I spent 1-2 hours everyday to hear his voice, used every possible audio visual device just to get connected with him. I cancelled any appointments when he came here, to get 3-4 days of being close to him, before got separated again for 6 weeks.

It feels like yesterday...

But today, it took me only maximum 6 days to meet him. We are only 4 kilometers away now.

..........

Just a few years ago, I was a student, who was so passionate about learning new things and gaining new experience. I was an organization member who was so excited about the notion "self-discovery" and "self-development." I took several teaching jobs, that I was dreaming of being an English Department lecturer and piano teacher while managing a home-made chocolate shop with its factory in one roof.

It feels like yesterday...

But today, I am a future public servant, with tons of things to study and learn. I learn things I have never learned, experiencing the things I have never experienced, and doing the things I was not dreaming of. But it does not mean that I don't like it: in fact this is more than what I have ever expected to happen in my life.

..........

Time passes really fast, that everything in past seem like yesterday. Things can change significantly just in a short time, even without me realizing how it happened. Time is so precious, that everything happening to me means a lot for my life; it's something to memorize and praise.

Never waste every single time. Enjoy today, welcome future!

Who Knows...

2010-04-11T22:16:00.002+07:00

Three months have passed and I can't believe I never spent some of my little free time for doing this thought-transferring hobby. I've had a new life, as a full-time public servant gonnabe. I've moved from the city I had been living for almost as old as my age to a new city. I moved from my the house where I lived with my parents and siblings to a dorm, taking care of everything myself. As a newbie at The Ministry, I went to "taste" the working life for a month, then some tiresome both indoor and outdoor activities, and at the moment, having a full working-hour studying for seven months. I meet new friends, and I spend most of my week to interact and live together in one roof with these same people, from the sun rises until the night reaches its edge. Too many things happen over the last three months, some are sweet and beautiful, some are bitter and painful. And the more time passed, the more those things are mixed up and complex. But I always believe that it's not only the moments and events I have to think about, but also the learning from all of them.

Among much learning during new life I have had over the last three months, there is one important learning I found out about understanding people, especially here among the newbies. But most of all, it slapped me in the face, really hard, because I come to realize, too, that for all this time, I am practicing character construction in my daily social life.

It all started a month ago, when we, the newbies, attended some kind of motivation training. We were told to understand the different nature of people, and hence accept the way they are, because people consist of different "types". To make it simple, people are divided into four "types" based on the way we perceive and react to a set of events. By common narrow logic, such things can only be seen internally by the individuals themselves, but the trainer said others can actually define the type of people from external appearance. So after the training, we knew how to judge the internal characters of people from the way they appear in social interactions. For example, if you look fun to be with among others, then you're in one particular "type", or if you look quite and calm, you're in another particular one. This guideline is said to help us to know how to treat people based on their types.

We started to use those distinctions to judge people, and as expected, use it a justification to accept their daily attitude. It becomes hot talks, even until today, when talking about certain people.

I am aware of my nature based on what I judge about myself when I am alone or with the people I trust. Yes, I am introvert, therefore I can openly expressing my real side of me only to a very exceptional people. But judgment can come from anyone who have ever interacted with me. And most of the newbies I have interacted with put me the basket of one particular "type" which is totally contrast with my own judgment about myself. They accept me as the member of this particular "type" and treat me based on what they understand about the type.

They do nothing wrong, even when they wrongly categorized me in that particular type. They are not wrong at all. It is my problem for successfully covering up my real me in social interaction because of my introvert-ness. So do I say that it is the motivation training that is wrong? Not at all. Still it has given a valuable lesson. But it is not the lesson about how to know different types of people. I've got a more important lesson from it; that I get to understand myself more not only as a real me, but also the pattern of me in social life. It strengthens my understanding towards myself that I am truly an introvert person. Because of the training, I finally realize that I am wearing a mask, or even more than one masks in different kinds of interactions.

Such public mis-categorization does not only happen to me, but also to some people I have personally interacted more with. What they are among the crowd is somewhat different when they are with me in person. And I'll never know which one their "real" side is: it could be the one they show publicly or privately. One's character is way more complex than it appears in public, that we cannot distinct them based on such overgeneralized "types". I think the "type" distinction is absurd: we can never judge the "real" kind of people from how they interact.

Now I understand Orwell's statement in his essay "Shooting an Elephant" that people wear mask and it can grow to fit with their face. Yes, people are wearing masks in different kinds of occasion, because they need to fulfill the expectation of the social life they are living. And over time, our real "face" is no longer seen or appeared because the "mask" has grown to fit with it. I am wearing a mask, and I make people have a cognition that the mask is me, not the face. Only very few people, the people I trust, can see my real face, even though it might be just not the whole part of it. Perhaps my full face only appears when I am alone, in my room, or in the bathroom. Well, who knows..

However, I would never say people need to be "real". Being real or fake, wearing mask or not, has never been wrong at all. It is the previllage or each one to do so in order to get what they want in social life. But there is one important thing to keep in our mind: in interacting with others, treat people good, no matter which mode they are using, no matter in what mode we treat them. If we treat people well, we'll think and feel good, and it simply makes us happy. :)

A Glimpse of My 2009

2009-12-29T11:17:00.003+07:00

It's closer to the end of 2009. I've spent almost more than half-time of the year being idle, staying at home creating nothing, achieving nothing "real". Yet during that "idleness", I had the opportunity to learn life more than ever, I can feel I've achieved something unseen but very important. And therefore, I'm proud to say that 2009 has been another great year for me, even it is the year in which I'm being not mobile more than ever.

If I spent the previous years being a multitasker, this year I almost did no task. I was idle. I simply thought (and still think) my graduation and me entering to a working life this year are not really tasks, in my definition. They're just another cycle of life that I have to go through just like a daily activities I have to do each day, but, of course, something I need to be grateful of. I thought I did no task because I did not do something "real", something that people can see and feel. In the previous three years before this year, I had been very active involving in organizations, competitions, and even making some money. I thought to learn life is to do those great stuff and achievement which others can see it for real.

But I forgot that learning life is not merely trying to have a definition among people and society. Learning is about improving myself to become a better person, and it has nothing to do with what people see and feel. It's what I see and feel about the things I do that matter. And I thank God that He reminded me about this before 2009 ends.

In fact, I've learnt many great lessons while doing no task at home. Because of my "idleness", I had the chance to read more than ever. I also had the chance to discuss with the people I love - mom, dad, boyfriend - more than ever. Thus, I had the chance to contemplate, too, and it made me learn about how life works and how to view and live it. I've just realized it has changed the way I face everything happening in my life. Of course no one can see or feel it but myself. But it helps me, my mentality, to live my life in a better way.

Of course it does not mean that I have fully understood life. I'm 22 getting to 23 anyway. Life is is still way so long (if God gives me the chance to live long). There will be lots more life lesson I need to learn and pass. But I am grateful that in this year, 2009 I have learnt a great lesson I can implement in the next chapter of my life. Things happen for a reason, indeed. My idleness in the year 2009 gave me opportunity to collect ammunition for the next years' battle.

I believe each year is a blessing if we can view it in a positive way. And I believe, I am going to have another great adventure of life next year by entering a full-time working life, as a diplomat gonnabe :). I am sooooo ready to face whatever new life lessons next year and the years after, because I believe what we think as bad things is not always bad for us. If we see whatever things as a learning, even an idleness, life can always feel good for us.

Selalu ada hikmah di balik peristiwa, dan setiap peristiwa, yang terlihat baik ataupun buruk, adalah jalan untuk menjadikan kita lebih baik.

Happy New Year!!!!
Nadia

Do Dig Up, Not Ask

2009-11-22T15:20:00.009+07:00

When you need to consult, that means you need to dig up more information you are no longer able to find. But if you only ask without having any knowledge of what you want to consult, that means you have the mentality of spoon-feeding.

Well, I lately deal with few of the latter kind of people that I need to share it here so you, any readers, understand the manner of consulting.

Some of my juniors recently contacted me to consult about the thesis they are about to make. They are interested to take the analysis I was dealing with in my thesis, Critical Discourse Analysis (CDA). For your information, I was one among some students in my batch who initiated taking up a topic using this analysis. No body in the department has ever officially use the analysis in their thesis, nor the subject is specifically being taught in the class. Therefore, it takes a more "challenging" effort in order to comprehend the subject. As someone who has "successfully" using the analysis, no wonder I am considered as a potential source to help them to get to know better about CDA.

When they contacted me, telling me that they were eager to know about CDA more from me, I felt above the sky; I was more than excited. As an alumni, I am glad to help my juniors. But when they started the consultation, I turned disheartened, and even disrespect. In fact, all of them started with a typical statement: "Teteh, I have no idea what CDA is" or "Teteh, I am totally blank about CDA, so please explain me." And when I asked "What sources have you read concerning CDA?", and they would answer "nothing" of "I am having difficulties finding it, that's why I'd like to borrow it from you." It's good to take an initiative to ask, but frankly speaking, asking without knowing anything about the issue, it's a stupidity. In fact, it's no different with having the mentality of spoon-feeding.

Consulting is not only asking; it's digging up more information you cannot find by yourself. Therefore, before consulting, put your best effort to get to know the issue yourself first. Thanks to the internet and google that it's way easier to find out information today. It's so easy that all you have to do is entering google and type anything you need to know, and it will provide you everything you need it can find only in a second. If you suddenly come to me or anyone you considered as a potential source and claim you have no idea about what CDA is, you're not consulting at all; you're being spoiled kids who wants everything ready instantly. No offense guys, but it's true.

Just to share my personal experience with my thesis last year, I couldn't consult with any senior, since none of them deal with the analysis (there was one person actually, but what she did couldn't yet be considered as CDA). I struggled on my own by searching the related papers, publications, and internet postings myself. and read countless journal articles, some of them are more than twice, and when I couldn't help it anymore myself, then I came to my supervisor to consult. I've got only 1-hour consultation per meeting in average, but I did the whole process of readings for more than six months until I got the click. And even I cannot say I have 100% understood the whole principles of CDA, I mostly did it myself.

What I am trying to say from my experience is that, even it's easy to find the source, it's a long way for you to eventually get the click with the subject, and if you come to me with zero understanding about it, how can I explain the long readings I experience for months in just a few hours? You need to study by yourself after all. You can't leave it up to me, or to anyone, to explain the whole things to you.

If any of my junior read this, forgive my words in this posting. I did not mean to offend you. Honestly, I am so happy if I can give a contribution to your thesis. I am so glad if I can inspire juniors to create a better thesis than I did. But I just want you to understand that you need to find out the knowledge you need yourself first, then ask me what you don't understand so I can explain you. You can't consult with a blank knowledge. You need to be proactive, and that does not only mean you have the initiative to ask, but also to find out the information with your own efforts before asking. Do dig up, not ask

Lessons During My Idleness

2009-11-01T10:18:00.013+07:00

Yap, sudah 2 bulan lebih ini saya tidak memiliki status profesional. Setelah sekitar 16 tahun menempuh hidup sebagai "pelajar" (12 tahun siswa, 4 tahun mahasiswa) dan menerima passive income dari orang tua (sebagai manusia tak berprofesi pun masih), saatnya WAJIB hukumnya bagi saya untuk mulai berjuang sendiri menjalani dan memaknai hidup ini. Sambil menunggu untuk mendapatkan kesempatan tersebut, karena tidak banyak kegiatan yang saya lakukan, saya memakan porsi waktu yang cukup banyak untuk merenung. Selain untuk menyemangati diri sendiri yang lagi idle alias gak ada kerjaan ini, merenung juga menjadi bagian dari paket mengasah diri supaya (semoga) bisa lebih tajam dalam proses menjalankan rencana hidup.

Selama masa perenungan ini yang (terlalu) lama ini, ada beberapa pelajaran penting yang saya dapat baik dari hasil membaca, berdiskusi, yang dikombinasikan dengan pemikiran sendiri (lebaaayyyy). And here I would like to share some, at least the ones I can describe in a writing.

1. Ambisi bukan mengumbar hawa nafsu
Saya sering mendengar orang menyalahkan ambisi sebagai biang dari perilaku yang kebablasan, seperti menghalalkan segala cara dalam mecapai keinginan. Padahal, katanya manusia itu dalam hidup harus memiliki ambisi untuk meraih pencapaian hidup. Jadi, ambisi itu baik atau buruk? Ambisi itu positif, yang negatif adalah mengumbar hawa nafsu. Ambisi dilakukan untuk tujuan yang baik, karena ambisi menjadi tolak ukur bagaimana pencapaian hidup. Hanya tolak ukur, jadi inti dari ambisi adalah bagaimana menjalani prosesnya di jalan yang baik sehingga apapun hasilnya, itulah yang terbaik untuk diri kita. Mau melakukan apa di dunia ini kalau gak punya ambisi? Berbeda dengan hawa nafsu, yang satu ini memang sih setiap manusia pasti punya. Toh ambisi juga bagian dari hawa nafsu. Tapi jika hawa nafsu selalu harus dipenuhi, fokusnya akan menjadi apa yang harus didapat, bukan bagaimana untuk mendapatkannya. Karena apa yang dilakukan tidak selalu sesuai dengan hasilnya, maka segala harus dilakukan untuk mendapatkan hasil, bahkan dengan cara buruk sekalipun.

Misalnya, saya memiliki ambisi untuk menjadi kaya. Artinya, saya ingin menjalan proses bagaimana menjadi kaya. Tentu saya ingin melakukan hal-hal yang baik untuk mencapainya, karena yang penting adalah apa yang saya lakukan, bukan apa hasilnya nanti. Apapun hasilnya, saya akan puas dan bahagia telah melakukan proses menjadi kaya. Tapi jika saya terbawa hawa nafsu menjadi kaya, maka kaya menjadi hal yang harus saya dapatkan, tidak peduli dengan cara apa. Maka bisa saja saya korupsi, menggaet lelaki mapan beristri, atau hutang kanan kiri. Ya, saya punya uang, saya kaya, tapi rasa puas itu hanya sesaat, karena proses mendapatkannya tidak terasa, padahal proses lebih panjang jalannya daripada hasil.

Jadi kalau boleh saya simpulkan, mengumbar hawa nafsu berada pada tataran apa yang harus didapat, sementara ambisi berada pada tataran bagaimana mendapatkan sesuatu.

2. If you think you're better than any other people, you've git a big problem with yourself
Saya percaya segala yang ada di dunia ini adalah wadah untuk belajar, termasuk makhluk-makhluk yang hidup di dalamnya. Artinya, kita bisa belajar dari apapun, siapapun, bahkan manusia yang pendidikan, pengalaman, dan kesempatannya tidak sebaik diri kita. Hal ini karena semua sudah diciptakan Tuhan dengan kelebihan dan kekurangannya masing-masing. Nah, jika kita berpikir bahwa kita sudah menjadi orang paling benar, secara tidak langsung kita sudah menutup diri untuk belajar lebih banyak di dunia ini, karena toh sudah paling benar. Tidak mau belajar akan membuat kita stagnan dari perkembangan diri. Apa gunanya hidup kalau tidak mengembangkan diri? Maka dari itu, seyogianya kita mau mendengarkan apa yang orang lain katakan, mau menerima kritik, dan tidak mencibir duluan sebelum orang tersebut mengeluarkan pernyataan. Siapa tau, kita dapat belajar dari situ. Dengan membuka diri untuk menghargai hal-hal tersebut, kita akan membuka kesempatan bagi diri kita untuk merenung, mengasah diri. Dan dari situlah kita akan belajar, dan lebih jauh lagi mengembangkan diri menjadi lebih baik. Jika kita sudah merasa paling hebat, kapan kita bisa merenung dan mengasah diri? Ingat, pengetahuan kita tentang dunia sangatlah kecil, dan kita bukalah yang terhebat.

3. It's not what you tell people about you, it's about what you do
Jujur saya paling sebel kalau melihat orang yang suka mengklaim dirinya. Ada yang mengkalim dirinya cantik, dirinya hebat, pintar, gaul, tajir, bla bla bla. Bagi saya itu menyedihkan. When you try so hard to tell people what you are, you are the opposite of what you tell. Orang cantik, hebat, pintar, gaul, tajir, tidak perlu mengatakan dirinya begitu. Jika mereka memang memiliki nilai dan sifat tersebut, nilai dan sifat tersebut akan terlihat dengan sendirinya dari apa yang mereka lakukan dalam kesehariannya. Pengakuan sosial tidak datang dari apa yang kita katakan tentang diri kita, tapi apa yang kita lakukan. Justru dengan terlalu sibuk mengklaim nilai dan sifat tersebut, kita sepertinya sudah putus asa mencari cara untuk mendapatkan pengakuan sosial. Kita rendah diri tidak mampu menunjukkan apa yang kita ingin orang lihat dari diri kita, sehingga sibuk mencap diri kita lewat perkataan. Padahal, biarlah orang lain menilai tanpa perlu kita arahkan lewat perkataan kita tentang diri kita. Justru itu membuat, khususnya, saya merasa mereka sebenarnya adalah sebaliknya dari apa yang mereka katakan. Well, pendapat saya ini terdenger terlalu menghakimi, tapi setidaknya itulah yang saya lihat, dan saya akan berusaha untuk tidak melakukan hal tersebut.

4. Agama memang tidak logis, tapi bisa dicari manfaatnya
Untuk hal ini, saya terkesan mencari pembenaran. Yang gak ada jadi diada-adain. Tapi saya pikir lebih baik begini, karena saya kan sudah memilih untuk memeluk agama, yaitu agama Islam. Jadi saya harus yakin bahwa walaupun banyak aturan di Islam yang tidak logis, tetapi ada manfaatnya. Dan setelah dicari, memang ada manfaatnya. Sebutlah ibadah, dalam Islam solat lima waktu. Beberapa teman saya yang memutuskan untuk tidak memeluk agama tapi percaya pada Tuhan mengatakan bahwa konversasi dengan Tuhan dan manusia itu privasi masing-masing, tidak perlu ritual yang terjadwal. Setiap orang memiliki caranya masing-masing untuk berkomunikasi dengan Tuhan, jadi buat apa ibadah? Well, kalau boleh saya bikin pembenarannya, di luar katanya Al -Quran kalau solat bisa mengahpus dosa kecil, saya melihat solat itu merelaksasikan. Tuhan begitu baik menyuruh kita untuk mengahadapnya 5 menit selama 5 kali sehari supaya kita sesaat melepaskan penat karena sibuknya hidup di dunia ini. Dengan solat kita diberi kesempatan untuk menyegarkan diri lewat wudhu, merelaksasi diri dengan kyusuk melepaskan diri dari urusan dunia untuk sekedar "ngobrol" bentar denganNya. Siapa tahu "obrolan" tersebut akan menjadikan kita merenung dan menemukan inspirasi baru dalam menjalani kesibukan hidup. Dengan begitu, kita akan dapat melakukan kegiatan di dunia ini dengan lebih baik lagi. Kan kita seyogianya mundur dari kegiatan dan mengasah diri kita supaya bisa lebih baik melakukan kegiatan tersebut. Tuhan sudah menyediakan waktunya untuk kita mengasah diri. See, solat dengan gerakan-gerakannya itu terlihat tidak masuk akal, tapi manfaatnya untuk kehidupan kita besar sekali kan?

Pendek kata, untuk memeluk agama, kita tidak perlu mencari logikanya, cukup pikirkan apa manfaatnya untuk mengisi kehidupan ini dan menjadikannya lebih baik. God is good, people....

Do I sound like Mario Teguh now? I hope not, hehehehe.. Saya sudah terlalu banyak merenung saking kurang kerjaannya, dan menulis ini hanyalah satu cara untuk melepaskan diri saya dari perenungan-perenungan yang isinya mulai tidak penting.

SAYA BUTUH KEGIATAN, dan itu selain merenung!

Let's talk about US, not THEM

2009-09-07T10:12:00.004+07:00

So just a couple days ago I found two Facebook groups entitled something about hating one of our Negeri Jiran, Malaysia. All the members of the groups, they curse the nations, its government, and even its people, too. In one of the groups, I found some blog links about Malaysians disgracing Indonesia too, in a pretty harsh manner. Frankly speaking, I hate what our neigbour country did to us lately, and I hate what they write about Indonesia and Indonesians in those blogs. But being harsh back to them by cursing them in those kind of Facebook groups? I don't think it's a good idea for the citizens of a big nation like us do that.

Some said in the groups they did that for the sake of nationalism. Nationalism by cursing others? I don't even understand how they are related! Well, if you love our country, if you want to defend our country from such bad words from them, then say something good about our country, not by cursing others to lift your own pride up. Perhaps they said bad things about us because they just don't know what they have that they can be proud of (sorry Malaysians, some of you, the bloggers who insult us, really have no idea what you have, including your government who uses our traditional arts to promote your country), but we DO know exactly what we have as a big great nation! So, if a group of people of Malaysian have said lots of harsh things about us, there is another way, a more ellegant way to counter them: let's talk about good things about us and what we have.

Come on, we have millions of good stuff about Indonesia we can discuss. Arts, foods, tourism, views - we've got almost everything that they don't have! Therefore, I think instead of making some groups that spread more hatred to them, why don't make a group whch spread great things about Indonesia? Not only good for ourselve, but also for others. Discussing good stuff can make us more positive-thinking about Indonesia, and embrace nationalism. Moreover, outsiders reading it will also get to know more about what Indonesia have. After all, everyone will be happy :)

Having this idea of making a discussion about good things about Indonesia doesn't initiate me to get the idea come to a realization. In fact, I'm writing this not to lauch a Facebook group about "Indonesia Bagus" and whatsoever, but to critisize those who have made and joined the groups about hating Malaysia under the name of nationalism. Guys, it's not relevant at all. Yes, they have done bad things which have hurted and insulted us as a nation. But insulting them back will not solve any problem too. Instead, they will never get to know who we are, how strong we are as a nation, and prove that we are what they always think about us. Let's start talking about the great Indonesia, and let's ignore them ;p

Why Making Plans??

2009-06-24T18:28:00.003+07:00

So I had this interesting conversation with my dad this afternoon just after I finished typing my thesis's chapter 4. He suddenly came into my room and lying on bed behind me.

It all started when my dad opened the conversation by asking my comment on a book I read some times ago, "Outliers." I simply told him some stories told in the book, and I concluded from those stories that success is a random stuff. Yes it's true that success comes from a hard work, diligence, practicing, not give up, and bla bla bla: those are said by motivators. But those things are all about chances: in fact not everyone has the chance to work hard, to practice. How many incredibly smart people are there in the world? I bet there are a LOT! But why is there only one Bill Gates, one Obama, one SBY? Simply saying, they also coincidently stand in the right place and the right time. Opportunity meeting luck is an access to success.

Some success people never expect or plan that they were going to be what they are now *except Obama who admit he wanted to be American president when he was in elementry school.* They were just great people who go with the flow. But those who were in the right moment, place, and time, they gain success. If such factors is unpredictable: it comes suddenly without us knowing it that the factors are there. From that argument, my dad and I come up with a question, if success factors are unpredictabe, do we need to make plan for success?

This becomes an interesting discussion between me and my dad. He said world is always changing, that no matter how we perfectly plan things, the result might go the other way. He questioned the importance of learning histories, because what happened in the past cannot reflect what might happen in the future as the world is changing all the time. As for me, I simply thing we need to learn from history, to know the pattern and prevent mistakes. Even though the world is changing, at least we've tried our best to overcome what might be incorrect. If it turns failing, it's okay, we've anticipated it anyway. It's still better than doing nothing.

That's about learning from history. Regarding making plans, we argue that life is a process. Indeed we never know what future might look like. Hence, we can only strive in our life, whatever the future might bring. As the future is random walk, just like the world, plans is not made to get a result in the future. Plans is a tool to live the process of life: it is how we should live everyday. So eventually, we both agree that we need plans in our life, not to seek for the future, but as a guide of what we should do in everyday life. :) :) :)

Just Wanna Share Some Love Quotes

2009-06-09T22:22:00.008+07:00

Here I paste some nice love quotes just because how I'm missing someone right now :)

"I love you, not only for what you are, But for what I am when I am with you."
--Roy Croft

"It's so easy, To think about Love, To Talk about Love, To wish for Love, But it's not always easy, To recognize Love, Even when we hold it.... In our hands."
--Jaka

"Two souls with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one."
--John Keats

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."
--Helen Keller

"... See there's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me."
--Gretchen Kemp

"In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing."
--Mignon McLaughlin

"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."
--Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved."
--George Sand

"The more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite."
--William Shakespeare

"Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition."
--Alexander Smith

"Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile..."
--Unknown

"Love is something eternal; the aspect may change, but not the essense."
--Vincent van Gogh

"Harmony is pure love, for love is a concerto."
--Lope de Vega

"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly."
--Sam Keen

"True love begins when nothing is looked for in return."
--Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it."
--Ivan Panin

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."
--Lao Tzu

"Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it."
--Thomas Fuller

"Love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile."
--Elizabeth Browning

"To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with."
--Mark Twain

"Love is like a friendship caught on fire: In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable."
--Bruce Lee

Simple Thing Transcends Complex Thing

2009-05-29T13:25:00.004+07:00

When I first time listened to one of Kuburan's singles "Lupa-Lupa Ingat," I was tickled. It's way too simple, both notation and lyrics, easy listening, yet easy to remember. Apparently such simple-easy song is getting popular here. Critics say such kind of music is a loser, but I think it's brilliant!!

If they think it's a setback for Indonesian music that the musicians prefer making such a simple music, now the question is: can you come up with the idea to make such a simple music? Well, sometimes brilliant is define for those who are able to look impressive with their complex-sophisticated thought. It's something above-the-sky that it takes deep contemplation to comprehend it. Yes, I agree it's something brilliant. But those who are able to think of something very simple, small, but down to earth in which everyone can reach it easily is way more brilliant!!

It's not that because they are not creative or incapable that they make simple music. They are being creative by simplifying things. And I am amazed by that, because simplifying is more complex than thinking of of something complex.

Well, sometimes in our lives, we love to think about complicated thing because we want to distinct us with others. We want to show off our "above average" capability by doing big yet ambitious thing. We try so hard to come up with a greatly big thing. But it's rarely crossed in our mind that we can actually make a simple thing to look even more impressive. Not is it because it looks WOW, but simply it's a fresh idea which is understandable. It touches the ground: it's what we and everybody need. Instead of being a loser, I think having a simple idea is a true winner, because not everybody can come up with it. Everybody can pretend to think of a complex thing, but no one can pretend to propose a simple idea.

That's why I conclude that simple thing is more special that the complex. So let's start to think from small thing to be a brilliant, even though it's somewhat harder... :)

Two Ears and One Mouth

2009-05-17T11:45:00.003+07:00

An old saying suggests that having two ears and one mouth means that we need to listen twice more that talking. I never really understood the use of following what that saying says, but not until today I am closer to the gate of new chapter of my life.

Well, it's good to chat in various circumstances. Sharing experience, stories, gossip, plans, etc. But remember, when talking, the other will listen. What's the use of speaking if no one's listening? However, talking is somewhat much more fun than doing the activity of listening, and we tend to do the more fun one. And sometimes we just can't stop talking - sharing our own stories - it's all about me!

I love it when people surround me share lots of stories to me: personal experience, knowledge, plans, and even stories about others. But sometimes they can't stop, that some unnecessary stories are exposed too. I don't know whether it's because they're just sooo generous to share everything with other, or they're just too excited, or they just want to show off everything they know and have, but somehow, the more they talk and share about themselves, the more I can see weaknesses on them.

It's always good to share, but sometimes we just don't have to show everything in us through the voice coming from our mouth. Sometimes we just need to hit the brake and listen to others talking. When we talk about ourselves, we can actually inspire others. But when we talk about ourselves beyond our actual capacity of what we should tell others, we let others see our weaknesses and incapability. We gain nothing by talking too much but threatening ourselves.

Meanwhile, by listening to others talking, we help people to express themselves from their talk. And moreover, we gain lots of new ideas which might be useful for our life.

I am not saying that it's not good to talk and it's better to always listen without talking. Interaction us about listening and speaking; we should take both role. Sharing about ourselves is good to teach or inspire others, but I think we should talk in the right proportion. There are things that we should keep for ourselves and show them to others through action, not just talking. And by that time, we should change our role to listen more to learn from others more too. We simply need to learn more before teach and inspire others, don't we? That's why we have two ears and one mouth: we need to listen more than to talk.

Greed and Modesty

2009-05-08T13:56:00.008+07:00

Watching a French TV program about environment at Metro TV some times ago, the facts shown by the programme about the way people treat our mother earth broke my heart. From the poor sailors fishing an exceed number of fishes to huge industries using special webs and ships to fish an even huge number of them, we human can't just get enough with everything. It is an agony. But what lies behind that situation actually transcends the fact that they damage our nature, and it is way more ironic.

If small sailors fish as many fish as they can, it is not because of their will to be rich. They need it to gain some income to survive. Living under poverty, they simply need to earn a small living, at least to feed themselves and their family. With limited level of intellectuality as well, they have no choice but doing it to keep surviving. Their attempt to survive bring damage to the ecosystem of the sea. However, as they still use a traditional-limited technology, the damage they cause is still not too significant if compared to huge industries.

Using an even more sophisticated sailing equipments, they catch an unbelievably huge number of fish. While small sailors catch an exceed number of "adult fish", these industries catch EVERYONE, every single fish from the newly born to the adults. Certainly they have just cut down the chain of the fish's life by "terminating" the whole generation of the fish, which can cause a severe damage. If small sailors are still living under poverty by making some damage, these corporates will be showered by money from the undoubtedly huge profit they earn by making extinct the generation of a member of one ecosystem.

My intention of writing this is not only to explain an ecological problem that we face today. It is an example of a kind of paradox happening surround us: the one who creates more damage becomes rich and the one who creates less damage stays poor. Apparently, doing bad things can lead to prosperity. Such system we are living is somewhat unfair because it defends corrupt people instead of the honest ones. And when the damage gets worse, it is the poor who should suffer. When fish are extinct, the poor can no longer earn a living and get poorer, while the rich have earned so much and simply move to other place and make another damage there to get richer. And this happens in many aspect of our lives. Officials who corrupt ruin our nation, and by that, the poor should get the suffering from the damage.

Making huge explicit crime lead to wealth, and making small insignificant crime under the claim for survival lead to stagnancy and even poverty. Greed beats modesty. What a cruel life...

"... Menggeluti Dunia 'Entertain'"

2009-04-26T14:49:00.004+07:00

Sering saya mendengar kalimat yang mengandung kata-kata tersebut di televisi, baik di berita, infotainment, sampai talkshow. Semuanya bikin saya geli, dan semuanya menunjukkan satu hal: Bahasa Inggris belum masuk dalam daftar multilingual orang Indonesia!

Kalau pernyataan tersebut diterjemahkan dalam bahasa Indonesia secara penuh, maka begini bunyinya: "... menggeluti dunia menghibur". Jelas ini penggunaan bahasa yang tidak tepat. Sewajarnya dalam kalimat verba diikuti oleh (frasa) nomina. Dalam hal ini, menggeluti adalah verba, hendaknya diikuti dengan frasa nomina, yaitu "dunia hiburan" di mana kata "dunia" dan "hiburan" adalah nomina. Tapi kalau bilangnya "dunia 'entertain'" alias "dunia menghibur", apa maknanya coba? Setelah nomina "dunia" yang merupakan objek kok ada verba lagi. Kalimat ini sebenarnya jadi tidak bermakna. Untuk jadi bermakna, seharusnya setelah nomina "dunia", ada bentuk nomina dari bahasa Inggris sehingga menjadi frasa nomina, yaitu "entertainment", bukan "entertain" yang merupakan bentuk verba.

Sebenarnya, menggunakan dua atau lebih bahasa berbeda dalam satu ujaran, alias campur kode, wajar-wajar saja digunakan oleh seseorang dalam lingukungan multilingual. Tapi dalam kondisi normal, campur kode terjadi ketika orang tersebut fasih dalam menggunakan dua atau lebih bahasa tersebut. Sehingga, pencampuran kode masih dalam tatanan yang sesuai.

Tapi, kenyataannya, kalimat "... menggeluti dunia 'entertain'" tidak dalam tatanan yang sesuai, sehingga maknanya tidak berterima. Walaupun setiap orang Indonesia yang mendengar kalimat ini akan mengerti apa maksud yang ingin disampaikan, yaitu "... menggeluti dunia yang berhubungan dengan hiburan," tapi ini menunjukkan bahwa kebanyakan orang kita tidak menguasai bahasa Inggris dengan baik. Orang kita salah menempatkan kata "entertain" dalam kalimat karena tidak tahu bahwa itu salah. Dengan ketidaktahuan tersebut, artinya mereka bukan penutur bahasa Inggris yang baik.

Kalau bukan penutur bahasa Inggris yang baik, kok bisa melakukan campur kode? Yah, gak tau deh maksdunya apa. Entah itu karena ikut-ikutan karena orang lain ngomong begitu, atau pengen menunjukkan bahwa dia mampu berbahasa Inggris, atau apalah saya juga gak ngerti. Walaupun kesalahan tersebut tidak membuat orang bingung, yang jelas itu menunjukkan bahasa Inggris belum menjadi bahasa utama kita orang Indonesia. We simply need to learn the language more. :)

From Caleg to Models ;p

2009-04-16T17:06:00.010+07:00

It's been one week since general election for Indonesian parliament was held. I still remember the interview of B.J. Habiebie at Metro TV a few days before the election. He argues that Caleg, candidates of Indonesian parliament to be elected, should have not necessarily spend that much budget on posters, billboards, stickers, or any kinds of such publications of their faces and full names with academic or Haji title. Such brand imaging cannot influence people that much to elect them. I pretty much agree with this argument, considering that those poster, billboard in every corner of towns all over Indonesia personally made me sick, but at the same time, made me realize about one thing regarding modeling, I guess. ;p

In every spot of the town, I could almost always see those faces, faces I did not recognized, with typical expression and template. They typically used the background of the color of the party they are in, from green, blue, red, blue, white, yellow, etc.. etc.. and thank god no pink was among those ;p. Then they all had the same expression; passport picture style, sometimes with a little bit smile, decent smile. As for wardrobe, they were all typical too. For men, they used a very neat suit, and sometimes with kopeah. As for women, it was more various but typically with veils or Hijab. Last, all of them put their full name with complete title, from academic title to Haji title. At one spot or corner, there were 3-4 different faces stand alongside. I must say that it was a pretty boring view, you know...

Those typical views that were rather unbeautiful I saw everyday during election campaign has just made me understand about why in any talent model searching, "being attractive" is a requirement; they should please the eyes of their viewers. I had always thought that everyone should have the same opportunity to be a model. It was not fair only to choose those who are attractive. Being attractive is a birth gift, not a talent. It violated the rights of those who are not born attractive. But after witnessing how Caleg(s) appear like model-wannabe by exposing their faces everywhere, now I know how important it is for a model to be attractive. Caleg just do not have "the talent" to please our eyes. Instead, they damage the aesthetic of the town..

As politicians gonnabe and/or wannabe, Caleg could have promoted themselves by showing their skills as a politician instead of acting like a model by putting all those picture of them everywhere to attract people to vote them. For God's sake, they're just not good at it! Let the real models please us with their gift as models. Caleg could have pleased us by showing off their talent in politics, not acting like models. ;p

What We Can Get and Learn from Them

2009-04-08T21:30:00.007+07:00

Wowww,, the blog competition blog held by Neso Indonesia and dagdigdug is too tempting to be missed! It offers an opportunity to study in an international environment in an internationally recognized university as one of my genuine wildest dreams :)

Speaking about global community, it is said that due to the borderless world today, where every single person has an access to any kinds of information from any part of the globe, we particularly as youth are encouraged to take part in the global community. But then one question arises in my mind: why should we enter global community? And considering that this competition’s theme is about studying in Holland towards a global community, how does the country linked with global community? Before we want to get a ticket to global community by studying in Holland, it is good to understand the reason of why we should be part of the global community and the importance for ourselves and others, and the reason why studying in Holland can accommodate us to be part of global community.

Cultural Diversity and Its Challenge

The world is full of diverse people. It ranges from belief, culture, norm, value, way of thinking, and other differences in humanity. Therefore, this world consists of a multicultural community. Yet those differences are expressed in our everyday life; the way we think and the way we act. People from the other parts of the world do not always have the same attitude and perception with us.

Today, due to the rapid growth of media and technology, this world has turned into borderless. It is no longer impossible for people from one side of the world to send and receive information from people in another part of the world instantly, even though they are thousand miles apart. On one side, such access can provide people with broader knowledge of everything they want and need. On the other hand, however, the diversity of people which melts together as a consequence of borderless world can result to misunderstandings about their difference on way of thinking and acting. Such misunderstanding is potential to threaten world’s peace and further to cause friction among them.

In order to prevent such misunderstanding, it is not enough just to share information without knowing the values of others; direct interaction is also crucial. Entering global community can accommodate us to achieve such multicultural understanding.

Global Community towards Peace

By by entering global community and taking part in it, we have the opportunity to interact with multicultural people with various ways of thinking and acting. Intensively interacting and living in an environment with diversity, we will not only get to know how they perceive things and what they do, but also dig even deeper why they think and act that way; cultural background of those. Hence, we eventually can understand and accept why they think and act so. Yet conversely, they can get to know ours, and we can also explain them the reason why we follow the value, culture, norm, and belief we are living right now.

Through exchanging thoughts and ideas of the difference with its elaboration through the platform of global community, it forms our mentality to be open-minded towards changes and differences. Such mentality can increase our ability to adapt to diverse environments and cultures which are totally different with ours. It feels easier to create and get along with various people.

Hence, through cultural understanding, acceptability, and adaptability, peaceful world can be reached. Peace, in this sense, is not merely an absence or war, but it is when people can understand, tolerate, and respect the choices that other people make. Such understanding formed through global community will bring us to not to disturb the interest of others and not to discriminate their conditions based on those differences. Eventually, we can live side by side in the beauty of difference in peace.

Let’s take an example. Indonesian society in general is still highly valued marriage as an obligation when we want to live together with our spouse. If one decides to live a free relationship, it is against the norm and value applied by most Indonesian society. But in Holland, as my Dutch friend told me, marriage is just an option of how they live a relationship. Without marriage, it is still acceptable for a couple to live together. Such choice of relationship is legal in The Netherlands, while it is not in Indonesia. This is certainly two contrast values and norms between Indonesian and Dutch people. If we, Indonesians, are not open-minded enough to diversity, we might find their attitude, the Dutch, unacceptable. Moreover, we might lose our respect to them just because such difference in norm and attitude. But through cultural understanding, it will not be a big matter. It will not change the way we treat them, and respect the choice of life they make, without necessarily following them.

Studying in Holland

So what is the significance of studying in Holland to provide us access to global community? There are several advantages Holland education can offer which can be the ticket to global community and reach cultural understanding for a peaceful world.

Looking at the list of world rank universities according to QS Top Universities, from 200 world best universities, 10 Dutch universities are among them. While Holland has 14 universities, this means that approximately 70% of its universities are internationally recognized for its quality. With such qualification, Holland becomes one of the major destinations of studying for students and intellectuals around the world. Consequently, those people bring new colors to the country; it becomes a “world miniature,” where people with diverse cultural backgrounds around the world stay there.

When studying in Holland, it is not only international quality education we can get, but also a chance to interact with multicultural students. Moreover, as the required language to enter many of the programs is English, it becomes easier to interact with those multicultural people with one common language. Studying in Holland can provide us opportunity to learn cultural understanding, and hence build respect to others.

In connection with global community, staying while studying in Holland gives us view of global community, as it resembles the diversity of the world. We meet, interact, study, and live together with multicultural society, with different perception, attitude, and point of view. Studying in Holland enriches us with understanding towards the content of the world which contains many different things that we cannot always find in our culture.

However, experiencing global community can goes beyond building our sense of cultural understanding and respect. It also gives us opportunity to absorb and select positive values from others that we can apply for ourselves and our local community to improve.

Global Impact through Local Action

When we finally gain all the advantages from taking part in global community by studying in Holland, what’s next? After gaining academic knowledge from the country and a personal development from global community, it is good to remember our community; we should be able to share the life-changing experience we have while studying in Holland. It is done by giving positive contribution to our local society by sharing our life-changing experience.

Taking part in global community in Holland goes beyond providing us with cultural understanding to create peace. We can further contribute to the improvement of our society, or at least our surroundings, after our self-development. There are certainly positive values we can learn from them, and then adapt to our society. But it does not mean that we literally receive all values from all cultures without considering their goods and bads for ourselves and our society. Selecting the right values and adjusting with our own values are very important before we apply it.

We can adapt that good value and then share it to our local community. We can lead by example, to show why such value is important for their improvement. Such local action can lead to global impact; we lead people to improve by introducing the positive values we have experienced in global community that they have not learned, hence we contribute to create a more improved world starting from improving small community.

As I interact quite frequently with some friends from various countries, I learn lots of positive values of them. My European friends, particularly, are mostly already independent at my age. They live alone, apart from their family, raise money on their own, without asking for it to their parents, and sometimes they pay their own study, while I even still live in one roof with my parents. I view their attitude as a good value I can take as an example, because independent is one step to be a responsible person as well. I learn that I have to be more independent at my age, at least try to be independent. Since then, I always try to fulfill what I need and want by myself, not just asking to my parents. Even though I still cannot fulfill all of them, I have tried my best to do so.

I believe being responsible is a value that people should have in order to improve. I hope my attempt to an independent person can drive my close friends to be aware of it and then start doing the same thing. And it can be my small action to create an improved world by simply drive my community, or at least my surroundings, improve.

All in all, with the spirit of youth as students, we can actually make a huge impact for ourselves and our community by taking part in global community. But it does not always mean that we should go around the world to do it. Holland provides it all. Studying in that country can be a good yet wise choice to feel such life-changing experience, and further to contribute to the development of others. Entering global community by studying in Holland can simply drive us to local action towards global impact.

Resources:

http://www.topuniversities.com/worlduniversityrankings/results/2008/overall_rankings/fullrankings/

http://www.nesoindonesia.com/indonesian-students/informasi-dalam-bahasa/sistem-pendidikan-belanda

Pictures:

http://www.umbckpl.com/Photos/Photos.html (Cultural Diversity.jpg)

http://www.uu.nl/en/utrechtuniversity/pages/default.aspx (academiegebouw.bmp)

http://www.kwintessential.co.uk/cross-cultural/dvd/training.html (hands globe.jpg)

"Belum Kawin"

2009-04-01T10:33:00.006+07:00

Sebenernya sudah cukup lama saya "disadarkan" akan hal ini, tapi baru pengen nulis sekarang aja..

Waktu itu, sudah cukup lama, ketika seperti biasa tiap Jum'at malam saya mengajar Bahasa Indonesia, teman (dan murid) saya dari Belanda bertanya tentang status di KTP orang-orang lajang di Indonesia. Dia heran, mengapa semua warga negara Indonesia yang single alias lajang statusnya tertulis "belum kawin." Dengan status yang tercantum adalah belum kawin, itu kan mengindikasikan bahwa nantinya semua warga yang lajang tersebut akan kawin (dalam hal ini kawin berarti menikah.)

Saat itu juga saya langsung sadar, pernyataan "belum kawin" dalam KTP mengandung unsur nilai budaya dan norma yang kuat. Ada cultural gap antara saya yang selama ini secara tidak sadar "menerima" saja pernyataan itu apa adanya tanpa mempertanyakannya dan teman saya yang orang Belanda yang sepertinya tidak memiliki budaya dan norma seperti itu.

Ya. Tidak bisa dipungkiri bahwa orang Indonesia masih menjunjung tinggi pernikahan. Pernikahan dianggap sebagai satu fase yang secara harafiah dilewati oleh manusia. Pernikahan adalah kodrat. Maka, pernikahan seyogianya harus dilakukan dan dijalani. Apalagi mayoritas agama orang Indonesia adalah Islam, yang menjunjung tinggi pernikahan dan mengharmakan hubungan bebas dalam hidup dengan pasangan (semua agama juga menjunjung nilai tersebut). Maka, jika ada orang Indonesia yang memilih untuk tidak menikah dan bahkan menjalin hubungan bebas dengan pasangannya, dia akan sulit diterima oleh sebagian besar masyarakat, karena itu menyalahi nilai budaya dan norma.

Sebalikanya, kalau kata teman saya yang orang Bealnda, maupun temna-teman saya yang tinggal di negara-negara di Eropa, pernikahan hanyalah sebuah pilihan. Mereka bisa memilih untuk menjalin hubungan bebas tanpa ikatan pernikahan atau memilih untuk menikah. Keduanya berterima di masyarakat. Apalagi di Belanda hubungan bebas tanpa pernikahan dilegalkan. Jadi jika ada seorang lajang, belum tentu dia nantinya akan menikah di masa yang akan datang. Dia bisa memiliki seorang pasangan untuk hidup bersama, tetapi tidak perlu terikat dalam pernikahan.

Jadi, pernyataan "belum kawin" membuat teman saya ini, dan teman foreigners saya yang lain juga, heran. Pernyataan tersebut mengandung unsur "paksaan" bahwa setiap orang Indonesia yang lajang nantinya harus mengikat diri dalam pernikahan. Hal ini karena penggunaan kata "belum" mengandung rujukan bahwa hal yang belum dilakukan tersebut suatu saat nanti "akan" dilakukan.

Wajar saja mereka heran dengan adanya pernyataan "belum kawin" tersebut. Karena nilai budaya dan norma bahwa setiap orang harus menikah tidak berterima dalam nilai dan norma mereka di negara asalnya di mana setiap orang bisa memilih untuk memiliki pasangan dengan terikat dalam pernikahan atau tidak. Tetapi lebih mengherankan lagi buat mereka, mengapa nilai dan norma tersebut tersirat dalam kartu identitas warga negara?

Kalau saya sih sebagai orang yang teguh memegang agama Islam tetap menjunung tinggi ikatan pernikahan dengan pasangan. Tapi kalau memang ada yang memilih untuk berhubungan bebas, ya silakan. Entah mana yang benar dan salah, itu kan urusannya denga Tuhan dan penerimaan masyarakat sekitarnya. Tapi, saya juga setuju dengan teman-teman saya, bahwa memang rasanya aneh juga kalau nilai dan norma tersebut tersirat dalam KTP. Badan negara kan tidak mengatur nilai dan norma susila. Mengapa badan negara "memaksa" warganya untuk menuruti nilai dan norma?

Variasi H dan L dalam Bahasa Jawa dan Sunda

2009-03-21T21:07:00.003+07:00

Sejak mengikuti kuliah Sosiolingusitik beberapa minggu yang lalu, saya jadi bertanya-tanya: apakah bahasa Jawa masih memiliki status yang lebih tinggi dibandingkan dengan bahasa Sunda di tanah Sunda?

Dalam mata kuliah Sosiolinguistik, saya belajar apa yang dimaksud dengan istilah diglossia. Diglossia adalah (setidaknya apa yang saya pahami sejauh ini) variasi bahasa yang digunakan dalam suatu komunitas di mana satu variasi dianggap sebagai variasi H (high) dan variasi L (low). Variasi H digunakan dalam pembicaraan yang lebih sophisticated, dan variasi L digunakan dalam percakapan biasa. Sehingga, variasi H lebih sering digunakan di kalangan yang lebih "elit" atau mengkin "berpendidikan" dibandingkan dengan variasi L yang digunakan oleh kaum "biasa."

Ketika dosen saya menjelaskan diglossia ini, beliau mencontohkan bahasa Jawa dan bahasa Sunda. Katanya, dulu pada zaman penjajahan, orang Sunda memandang bahasa Jawa sebagai variasi H sementara bahasa Sunda dianggap variasi L. Maka dari itu, bahasa Jawa dianggap cenderung lebih tinggi dan terhormat dibandingkan bahasa Sunda sendiri, sehingga orang-orang dari kalangan atas menggunakan bahasa Jawa. Padahal itu di tanah Sunda.

Terus, kata dosen saya, sejak saya lupa kapan (yang jelas sebelum Indonesia merdeka), bahasa Sunda mulai diangkat posisinya di tanah Sunda, karena bagaimanapun, bahasa Sunda adalah bahasanya tanah Sunda. Masa bahasa Sunda di tanah sendiri dianggap lebih rendah daripada bahasa lain? Jadi katanya sih sejak itu, bahasa Sunda tidak lagi menjadi variasi L dalam perbandingannya dengan bahasa Jawa.

Tapi tiba-tiba saja pikiran saya melayang ke masa SD dulu, di mana saya menjadi saksi bahwa sepertinya bahasa Sunda masih dianggap "lebih rendah" daripada bahasa Jawa, setidaknya sampai saat itu. Saat itu di SD saya ada sebuah koperasi yang menjual makanan dan alat-alat tulis. Penjaganya (mungkin pemiliknya juga) adalah seorang pria yang berusia sekitar 25an. Suatu hari saya jajan di sana. Ketika akan membayar, saya melihat ada anak yang menanyakan harga suatu barang pada si penjaga (atau pemilik) koperasi itu. Saya ingat betul anak itu bertanya seperti ini: "Ini berapaan, Mang?" Bukannya menjawab, si penjaga (atau pemilik) koperasi itu malah marah dan bilang: "Kamu jangan panggil-panggil saya Mang ya. Asal kamu tau, saya ini anaknya kepala sekolah. Orang tua saya yang menguasai SD ini" Lalu dia terus mengomel yang saya lupa seperti apa. Intinya dia marah karena dipanggil dengan sebutan Mang, di mana dia menjelaskan betapa pentingnya posisi sang ayah atau ibunya itu sampai-sampai tidak sepantasnya dia dipanggil dengan sapaan Mang oleh seorang anak SD yang tak tahu apa-apa. Karena saya tidak mau kena semprot dari orang ini, saya coba panggil dia dengan panggilan "Mas." Saya tidak pernah kena omelan.

Aneh. Kalau menurut saya, tidak seharusnya si penjaga (atau pemilik) koperasi yang anak kepala sekolah ini tersinggung karena dipanggil Mang. Memang kita memanggil para pedagang kaki lima atau pedagang jajanan SD lainnya dengan sapaan tersebut. Tapi kalau tidak salah sapaan Mang dalam bahasa Sunda itu kan sama-sama saja dengan sapaan Mas dalam bahasa Jawa. Mereka sama-sama sapaan untuk memanggil laki-laki yang lebih tua. Tapi mengapa pria itu marah ketika dipanggil dengan sapaan Mang dan diam-diam saja ketika dipanggil dengan sapaan Mas?

Saya rasa alasannya kembali ke penjelasan di atas: adanya diglossia (setidaknya dalam komunitas orang itu) di mana bahasa Jawa (masih) dianggap sebagai variasi H dan bahasa Sunda sebagai variasi L. Dia merasa memiliki posisi tinggi karena dia anak kepala sekolah, sehingga dia ingin disapa dengan variasi H. Ketika disapa dengan menggunakan sapaan dari variasi bahasa L, dia tersinggung, merasa posisinya "direndahkan."

Jadi kalau dikatakan bahwa sudah tidak ada lagi diglossia antara bahasa Jawa sebagai variasi H dan bahasa Sunda adalah variasi L sejak sebelum Indonesia merdeka, apakah itu benar? Setidaknya sampai kira-kira 12 tahun yang lalu masih ada yang lebih suka disapa dengan sapaan dalam bahasa Jawa karena merasa memiliki posisi yang lebih tinggi. Hmmmm.....

Back Again

2009-03-21T20:58:00.003+07:00

It's been quite a long time I have been absent from frequently writing here.. Not is it because I didin't have any idea what to write. I DID have lots of things to share, but they all actually stuck in my mind and never turn into any kinds of writing. Every time I got connected to the internet, I ended up but chatting and surfing on that goddamn Facebook, after being tired of starring at my thesis draft that have not got any better, even though I never really do much on those stuff.. So what did I do then?

Life is Fair

2009-03-05T19:44:00.005+07:00

Pretty often I heard people around me complaining about their life for not being good enough, that there are people out there having a better life. At certain point, it is irresistible for me, especially when I have got "too much contemplating," to have such feeling too. But it is by an even deeper contemplation that I can come to realize that every man has his own advantages and disadvantages.

There are times when I have got little to do, I think about what I want and what I need to have. And when it comes to think about how many things I don't have somewhat makes me feel hurt. I read lots of books about self-development and self-motivation, which state typical suggestion about living this life: never give up. Apparently, it is easy to say yet hard to practice!

The biggest problem why it gets hard as I start to think how people out there have the things I want and need that I don't have right now. Also faced by several failures, it is crossed in my mind that my life is not as good as the other people who have got what I desire. I end up underestimating myself, complaining why this is the life I have to live, why I can't live theirs. And I am not alone: I heard such complains quite often. But nothing, and no one can answer those questions.

Through a deeper contemplation, everything actually comes from our own minds. If we change our perception about what we have instead of what we don't have, and the things we have reached instead of we have failed, we find how life is fair. When seeing what other people can get, we tend to see only the good things we desire in them, and see the bad things in ourselves. But we never know how their actual lives. They might have all the things we want and need, but it does not mean they have all the good things we already have at the moment.

There is no reason to be not satisfied with what we already have. Indeed there are things we don't or haven't had, but those will remind us that we live to try, to give our best shot to get what we want. Failure or things beyond our control occur. With patience and persistence, it will eventually come, sooner or later. Believing on it is enough to make us think how life is fair. And when it comes to comparing with other ones, an Indonesian proverb is good to remember: "Rumput tetangga selalu terlihat lebih hijau." Others only LOOK better than us, but not necessarily really better than us.

Yes, the conclusion is what is said in those self-motivation books: never give up. But sometimes we just cannot control what we think, so does the thought of self-underestimation :D

Yes, we strip naked ourselves, and we love to!

2008-11-16T22:21:00.005+07:00

Reading today's Kompas Minggu, I found an interesting topic they wrote: reality show on TV. It is said that TV's reality shows have crossed the border of one's privacy, that they uncover one's negative attitude and conflict to become public's consumption. However, it is not necessarily fully the cruelty of reality shows - apparently some today's people simply love to be exposed their personal life and conflict in public. Yet talking about exposing ourselves, it's larger than just reality show matter; virtual networking through facebook, friendster and whatsoever kinds of internet networking, and even blog have become a platform for us to "strip naked" ourselves where we are proud of it!

I don't know whether people do it consciously or not - at least I realize but really do nothing to change it, ironically - but exposing our personal information, posting shout out about our current situation or feeling, sending-replying comments, and writing diary-like blog, have made internet users all around the world are able to get to know us, stalk us, keep updated with the things going on with us, and maybe use those pieces of information to do harm things to us. I have seen it all, but the latter, and moreover, have been part of those practices.

Once I wanted to know about the personal information of someone I don't know and haven't ever met before. So what I did was using search tool of facebook or friendster to search the person's name, and open that person's page. I could see where that person currently live, study, work, to what his/her favorite food, books, music, hobbies, and current activities.

Yet opening the page very frequently, I further could find out what the person was up to by reading his/her communicating with his/her pals in comment box and seeing the updated shout out. Moreover, it would be even a complete information if the person has a blog, particulary if he/she utilizes it as personal dairy. I could see how that person elaborate his/her current feeling, activity, even characteristic through what kind of stories he/she exposed.

Of course it's another stripping naked activity; while dairy used to be private, which only the writer has the right to read it, now everybody, even those he/she doesn't recognize at all can see it!!

According to my experience "stalking" someone through these internet facilities, I found something larger that just knowing one's life. Compiling their personal information and updated current activities and feeling they exposed leads me to build arguments and assumpsion about who they are in person. They reveal their characteristics through what kind of writings and stories they told and exposed.

If I use these facilities to uncover someone I never know, it is not impossible that there are people who might visit my pages in facebook, friendster, and blog to do the same. Imagining such thing is horrifying. But I don't modify my personal information as well as limit my activities in those virtual networks. I am aware of the consequences I may get by putting all those stuff, but I have a justification that I did it for networking purpose, because I have found even wider yet useful network through them. But still, I strip naked myself anyway, hahahahaha...

Cynically speaking, the borderless access to technology and information has made its users "narcissistic." We want everybody to know who we are, what our daily activities, what we feel, what is going with us - expose ourselves. In short, we let ourselves losing our privacy, no matter what our justifications are. Ironic, isn't it?

Kisah Supir Angkot

2008-11-06T19:56:00.004+07:00

Dia terkejut bukan main, ketika bagian belakang angkot yang ia kemudikan mengenai bagian kiri depan sebuah mobil Honda, saat ia hendak belok ke kanan dari jalur kiri di perempatan jalan itu. Ia sadar ia telah berbuat salah karena belok dari jalur yang salah. Ia pun diam dan berharap agar mobil Honda tersebut dapat lepas dari mobil angkotnya, sampai tiba-tiba seorang teman yang sedang menemaninya di kursi depan berkata: "ayo,, terus,, gas,, gas,, terus.." Karena panik, ia pun menuruti kata-kata temannya itu. Dia menginjak gas, namun rupanya benturan yang terjadi antara mobil angkot dengan mobil Honda tersebut cukup keras, sehingga mobilnya tak mampu berlari. Ia makin panik. Temannya tak berhenti berkata "gas,, terus." Semakin keras ia menginjak gas, dan akhirnya mobil angkotnya mampu melepaskan diri dari mobil Honda - yang bemper depannya jadi lepas akibat tertarik oleh mobil angkotnya. Masih diliputi perasaan bersalah, sang supir angkot menurunkan kecepatan, dan bergumam: "urang ka kiri we nya, berenti di ditu..(saya ke kiri aja ya, berhenti di situ)" Sang teman menanggapi: "ulah, terus we gas.. (jangan, terus aja gas..)" Antara panik dan bingung bagaimana harus bertanggung jawab, tanpa pikir panjang ia menuruti (lagi) kata-kata temannya. Ia tancap gas, berlari secepat mungkin. Sambil sesekali melihat ke belakang, berharap mobil Honda tak dapat mengejarnya, sang teman meminta sang supir untuk terus menambah kecepatan mobil angkotnya. Ia menurunkan 3 penumpang terakhirnya sambil menyuruh mereka cepat-cepat. Setelah itu, mereka pun berlari kencang dengan mobilnya angkotnya.. sampai ujung jalan yang entah berapa jauh lagi.....

.... saya hanya bisa berharap.. terkutuklah dua orang manusia tak bertanggung jawab tersebut..

Ideal "Home"

2008-11-02T15:27:00.003+07:00

How would you define "home"? Should a certain place have particular criteria to be considered as "ideal home"? I simply think home is the place that comforts us to stay for as long as period of time; regardless its physical conditions and situations. No matter how nice other places are, we will consider our home as the best place to stay.

The reason why I come up with ideas to define home is because of my hatred feeling towards people living in my "home" recently. Every time I go around the city of Bandung, I always get annoyed by those who are smoking in public places; it makes me sick. Moreover, seeing people disobey the rules when driving is just stressed me out. Sometimes I have a thought to just runaway from this city and move to a remote place or even a more organized yet "civilized' country to gain a peaceful life.

Once I get out of the town and visit some even more beautiful, quite, and well-organized places for some time, I can feel a peaceful life, for a while. But at the same time, all I am thinking is going back to Bandung soon. Even if I eventually keep complaining about the disorder happening in this city, I miss this place when I am far from it. That is why I consider Bandung as my "home."

Hence, speaking about "ideal home", I must say that there is no such a thing. Home is subjective; there are no particular criteria for it. It all depends to each of one's feeling. It is just a place that one feels comfortable to stay there, and to LIVE there for a long time, even forever.

Plain Life, Plain Mind

2008-11-02T13:48:00.003+07:00

That is how I describe my life now. Since pursuing final year of my study this semester, I feel I spend most of my times only for routine activities. Not to mention that I am not happy with my life; in fact, I am grateful with such life I have until today, but I simply need more intellectual-capacity-building activities to make my mind productive.

Going to campus only twice a week, I have fairly little interaction with my friends. I've got lots of school assignments every week, but without challenge. All I have to do is to read one book and make a summary. No analytical, critical thinking involved in it. Moreover, having less (smart) conversation and talks with my friends, I feel my brain starts freezing.

While I spend two day in a week for school classes (which is very little, considering a week is seven days), I stop my aiesec activities. I seldom meet and even talk to my aiesec friends. I came to some of its events, but I don't have particular activities in it. It feels different. I don't "activate" my skills to do so. How can I be productive if I don't keep using my skills?

My "plain" life implies to my intensity in writing, either essay or blog, and reading. I don't know what to write because there are not much happening in my life. Everything runs smoothly according to routine schedule. There is no new analytical or critical thought coming to my mind that lead me to write something. I lost my eager to read as well, as there is no necessity of improvement in terms of enriching thoughts in the things I am doing.

Sadly, I let myself drown in this plain life without trying to find a solution. It makes me bored, and this boredom makes me lazy. Now my mind starts to be plain as well. When am I going to escape? Hmmm...

Still or Already 21?

2008-07-16T11:25:00.004+07:00

I am still 21

I'm too young to think about a serious relationship

I am already 21

I'm should have started to think about a serious relationship

Which one is proper?

But anyway, why thinking about a relationship? :D

*gak jelas
Nadia Amalia

Trend Baju Batik: Kecintaan pada Indonesia atau Emosi Sesaat?

2008-07-16T11:17:00.001+07:00

Akhir-akhir ini, kalau saya perhatikan, pakaian bercorak batik sedang populer di kalangan wanita, terutama remaja untuk pakaian sehari-hari. Sebelumnya, pakaian batik lebih sering digunakan hanya untuk acara-acara resmi. Munculnya trend seperti ini menimbulkan 2 pertanyaan dalam benak saya; apakah ini bentuk sikap kecintaan mereka terhadap hasil karya tradisional Indonesia atau justru ini bentuk reaksi kemarahan mereka karena ada negara tetangga yang mengklaim batik sebagai “milik” mereka?

Saya baru menyadari betapa maraknya pakaian batik beberapa minggu yang lalu, ketika ibu saya, yang pedagang batik, menawarkan pakaian batik dagangannya untuk saya pakai sehari-hari. Tidak biasanya, saya tidak menolak. Saya malah dengan senang hati menerimanya. Entah karena memang modelnya yang bagus sehingga saya ingin memakainya, atau entah karena tanpa saya sadari pakaian batik sudah mulai marak di kalangan remaja putri sehingga saya ingin mengikuti trend. Namun, apapun alasannya, saya mulai memakai pakaian batik sebagai pakaian sehari-hari di saat batik mulai manjadi trend.

Saya pikir, mungkin alasan orang-orang mulai gemar memakai batik karena mereka memang menyukainya sebagai karya bangsa. Terlebih lagi memang akhir-akhir ini model-model yang ditawarkan bisa dibilang up to date. Buat saya itu bagus, karena dengan begitu batik sebagai karya tradisional dari daerah-daerah di Indonesia dapat menyesuaikan diri dengan dunia masa kini sehingga mampu bersaing dengan maraknya busana barat yang juga populer. Tetapi saya jadi heran, mengapa baru sekarang batik menarik perhatian berbagai kalangan lewat desain-desainnya yang modern?

Ternyata menurut paman saya yang merupakan pengusaha batik, yang juga baru akhir-akhir ini memproduksi batik berdesain up to date, alasan para produsen batik melakukan ini semua adalah atas dasar kejengkelan mereka terhadap Negara tetangga yang tiba-tiba mengklaim batik sebagai “milik” mereka. Mereka sebagai agen-agen penerus budaya batik Indonesia merasa sangat tersinggung dan tidak dihargai. Susah-susah mempertahankan keberadaan batik di Indonesia, tiba-tiba batik diaku Negara tetangga. Maka dari itu, untuk membuktikan bahwa batik “milik” Indonesia, mereka pun membuat pakaian batik yang berdesain modern untuk dipakai sehari-hari, sehingga masyarakat dapat sering memakainya.

DI satu sisi, hal itu terdengar menyenangkan, karena menunjukkan betapa para produsen itu berusaha kuat untuk membuktikan batik adalah milik Indonesia. Namun ada nada ironi juga di sana, karena menunjukkan bahwa kita baru bisa mempertahankan batik sebagai milik bangsa setelah ada yang menyerang dengan memperebutkan pengakuan kepemilikan batik. Kalau memang batik milik bangsa Indonesia, seharusnya sudah dari dulu batik digunakan sehari-hari. Tidak perlu hak paten, karena tradisi tidak ada yang asli. Namun, jika ingin memilikinya, seharusnya kita mencintai dan menjaganya sejak dulu. Kalau saja batik sudah marak digunakan sejak dulu, mungkin tidak akan ada yang berani mengakui kepemilikannya di Negara lain.

Jika ternyata maraknya pakaian batik sehari-hari adalah reaksi emosi sesaat terhadap Negara tetangga, mungkin saja ini akan menjadi trend sesaat. Ketika situasi meredam, mungkin saja orang-orang akan mulai meninggalkannya dan terbuai dengan keadaan aman bahwa kita sudah berhasil membuktikan bahwa batik adalah “milik” bangsa Indonesia. Hal ini tentu saja akan makin menimbulkan ironi, karena menunjukkan kecintaan yang begitu dangkal terhadap karya bangsa. Kecintaan hanya muncul sebagai reaksi emosional atas serangan bangsa lain.

Saya hanya bisa berharap pembuktian kecintaan masyarakat pakaian batik saat ini tidak akan mereda begitu saja ketika serangan dari Negara tetangga ikut mereda. Semoga trend batik ini tidak seperti trend mode yang tiap setahun sekali ditinggalkan dan dilupakan begitu saja, kemudian diganti dengn trend baru lagi.

PEMIKIRANNYA SEMPIT

2008-07-16T11:12:00.001+07:00

Lagi, hujatan seperti itu bukan ditujukan untuk seseorang, tetapi merupakan ucapan seseorang yang ditujukan kepada saya. Kalau dulu saya dianggap "SOMBONG BANGET" (yang kisahnya sudah saya ceritakan di blog ini), sekarang saya dituding "PEMIKIRANNYA SEMPIT". Lucunya, walaupun mungkin mereka adalah dua orang yang berbeda, mereka sama-sama orang yang tidak saya kenal dan mengganggu ketentraman saya duluan. Lagi-lagi, saya akan ceritakan kronologisnya di sini.

Sekitar 2 minggu terakhir ini (kalau tidak salah), saya cukup sering menerima sms dari nomor tak dikenal, dan isinya pun tidak penting, kesannya hanya ingin ngisengin saya. Jadi saya diamkan saja. Sampai ada salah satu dari pemilik nomor tak dikenal itu ang terus-terusan kirim sms, hampir setiap malam, hanya untuk memberi ucapan-ucapan (atau memnag sengaja ingin menganggu), saya jadi penasaran. Saya balas smsnya dan menanyakan identitas dia, setidaknya namanya (berhubung yang ini sudah agak lama, saya tidak bisa menuliskan kembali isi smsnya, sudah kehapus :D). Beberapa saat kemudian dia membalas sms saya. Intinya, dia dengan sengaja tidak mau memberi tahu siapa dia, dan malah menanyakan hal-hal tidak penting yang sepertinya dia sengaja ingin ngisengin saya.

Sejak itu, saya tidak mau menanggapi sms dari nomor tersebut lagi. Namun, dia terus saja mengiri saya sms2 tidak penting. Saya berusaha sabar, tapi akhrinya saya kesal juga dengan sikap orang ini yang tidak sopan dan tidak beretika sama sekali. Saya pikir dengan bersikap jahil seperti itu, dia sudah meremehkan saya. Sampai tadi malam, tengah malam (betapa tidak sopannya), si pemilik nomor tersebut mengirim sms tidak penting lagi, saya sudah benar-benar kesal dan tiba-tiba saya berpikir untuk gantian membuat dia jadi kesal, seperti yang saya lakukan dulu pada seorang pengirim sms tak dikenal yang akhirnya menganggap saya "SOMBONG BANGET".

Jadi, tadi malam, sama balas sms dia seperti ini: (karena tadi malam, sms2nya masih tersimpan, jadi saya bisa tuliskan si sini sama persis dengan aslinya):

"Precisely,mksh fans beratku..tp cintaku pastinya bukan untukmu,g level..amit2 dah!hiiii" (sebelumnya dia mengirim quotation tentang cinta)

Dia pun segera membalas lagi:

"Weits jgn bgtu ah engkemah bogoh haha.. eh ceu ngmng2 cinta kyk tw ajah esensi dr cnta itu apah he.."

Blagu banget nih orang. Sok-sok bicara tentang cinta. Sopan santun aja gak punya.

Makin kesal, saya ingin labrak langsung orang ini lewat telepon. Saya ingin melihat, seberani apa dia kalau bicara langsung lewat telepon.

Namun dia tidak mengangkat teleponnya. Jadi saya kirim sms lagi:

"Hahaha,look at u..g lebih dari makhluk pengecut dan miskin, cm berani sms..ngangkat tlp gw aja g berani,kejantanan pun ternyata lo g pny.."

Memang kasar, tapi saya sengaja ingin membuat dia kesal. Namun sepertinya dia belum jera:

"Oh maap ceu.. td saia lg k aer cuci muka dlu sblm tdr.. g pny apah blm dtrusin?"

Wah ngeles nih orang.

"Ow,udah pengecut,miskin,impoten,tukang ngeles lg..moreover baca kalimat yg bener [di sms gw sebelumnya] pun g bs..gw tidak trtarik dg sampah [macam lo]"

Munafik banget sih bilang tidak tertarik padahal saya balas sms dia terus.

Karena mengantuk, tidak terasa saya tertidur. Bangun-bangun sudah subuh. Habis solat, saya cek telepon genggam saya. Ada 2 sms dan satu missed call. Semuanya dari nomor dia.

"Oh iya sori sori td bcnya rusuh he.. biasa lah bnyk urusan.."

"Kenapah ceu? gini ajah klw saia sampah brrti km tong sampah.. stuju ga?"

Masih gak respect juga ni orang. Malah makin menjadi.

Sms tersebut tidak saya balas. Saya tertidur lagi, dan baru bangun pukul 8 pagi. Saya keluar kamar sebentar untuk bermain-main dengan ikan-ikan koi di kolam taman rumah. Setelah itu saya kembali ke kamar lagi. Seperti biasa, hal pertama yang saya lakukan saat masuk kamar adalah memeriksa telepon genggam saya. Kalau-kalau ada sms atau missed call. Ternyata ada. ada 1 sms dan 1 missed call dari orang itu lagi:

"SeLamat Pagi Nadia.. SeLamat memuLai aktifitas.."

Wah belum kapok juga orang ini, dah gw hujat berkali-kali juga. Gw labrak langsung aja ah.

Saya langsung menelepon dia, dengan private number, dengan tujuan agar dia mau mengangkat telepon saya.

"Assalaamualaikum", dia mengankat telepon saya.

"Hah, orang kayak lo bisa ngomong assalaamualaikum?", saya jawab dengan nada membentak.

Lalu saya tutup teleponnya. Tak lama kemudian, dia menelepon:

"Halo? Tadih kamuh yah yang nelpon sayah marah-marah yah?" dia langsung bertanya.

Mendengar dialek Sundanya yang begitu kental, tiba-tiba saya berpikir untuk insult dia.

Saya jawab, "kampungan deh lo!". Lalu langsung saya tutup teleponnya.

Tapi saya belum puas, dengan mengucapkan "kampungan deh lo!", ada kesan pancingan tersebut kurang kuat. Terlalu banyak amarah di dalam kata-kata tersebut. Jadi saya kirim lagi dia sms dengan nada yang lebih memancing emosi:

"'tadih kamuh yang nelpon sayah marah2 yah'..haha,orang kampung toh ternyata!"

Memang terdengar terlalu rasis. Tapi saya sudah terlanjur tidak respect dengan orang ini.

Agak lama, dia baru membalas sms saya:

"Abis makan cabe yah.. pedes mulu ngmngny.. atw emg g tw cra brkomunikasi yg baik? atw emg sluruh hidupmu dpnuhi dg kbencian? hahaha.. saia jd kasihan sama KAMU.. trnyta bgini kndisi mental org kota.. PIKIRANNYA SEMPIT hahaha.."

Aku tertawa. Terlihat jelas ada nada kekesalan dalam sms tersebut. Artinya saya sudah berhasil membuat dia kesal. Saya jawab lagi,

"Iya dong pedes mulu,abis org kampungannya g pny etika sih..buat apa ngebaik2in org g sopan..i'm glad I pissed u off..kali aja mo insaf..mission accomplished"

Sejenak setelah saya kirim sms tersebut, saya berjanji pada diri saya sendiri untuk tidak pernah lagi mengurusi orang tak tahu diri seperti itu. Satu-satunya tujuan saya menanggapi orang ini adalah tak lain hanya untuk membuat dia kesal dan (mudah-mudahan) tidak sudi untuk mengirimkan sms ke saya lagi. Saya juga sempat berpikir semoga dia sadar atas ketidaksopanan dia selama ini, tetapi sepertinya tidak karena beberapa saat kemudian, dia mengirim sms lagi:

"Maap klo bleh nanya g sopan d sblh mananya yah.. prasaan saia g prnah sms yg jlek2 sm nadia.. jstru sblkny nadia yg sllu mnanggapi saia dg kjutekan n kbncian.. jd yg msti insaf tu sapa yah? oh satu hal manusia bs hancur krna ksombongannya.. cobalh bwt ngliat ssuatu tu dr sudt pndang lain tdk hny ngkutin egomu sja psti hdup ni bs lbh brmkna.. yah sring2 dgr msik blues ajah deh he.. klo km pntar psti ngrti.. udh dl ah ada dosen.. met pgi menjelang siang.."

Salah kaprah. Orang ini menganggap perbuatan tidak sopan adalah hanya dengan mengucapkan kata-kata buruk, bersikap jutek dan penuh kebencian. Dia tidak sadar, perbuatan dia yang hampir tiap malam mengirimi saya sms, dan tidak baik-baik memberi tahu identitas dia ketika saya bertanya (seharusnya tanpa saya harus bertanya duluan pun dia memperkenalkan diri duluan), menunjukkan betapa tidak sopannya dia. Jika dia punya maksud baik, dia pun akan menggunakan etika yang baik dalam memperkenalkan diri, bukan dengan meneror saya dengan sms-sms yang tidak penting.

Kalau dipikir-pikir, saya memang bersikap kasar sekali dengan orang ini, terlebih lagi sampai bersikap rasis. Wajar saja dia menganggap saya “PEMIKIRANNYA SEMPIT”. Saya menerima hujatan itu dengan lapang dada. Tapi saya melakukan itu bukan karena memang saya rasis. Hal ini semata-mata saya lakukan untuk menghentikan sikap kurang ajar dia yang suka meneror saya tanpa memberikan identitas sama sekali. Walaupun dia jadi salah kaprah dan membenci saya, yang penting saya sudah berhasil mencapai tujuan saya. It's not the process, it's the result that matters.

I wanna be just like them...

2008-06-11T23:25:00.003+07:00

That is the words I always say when I saw people can do what I always dream I can do. More than just saying that, I point at myself that I have not done anything to achieve that dream.

I look for a motivation by looking up, only looking up to those who I can do it. But it is not the only way I should have taken to motivate me. Instead of gaining motivation, I underestimate my capability without remembering the dreams which have come true.

What I do is wrong; it's not something I should have done to myself. Looking up is just part of the things I have to do, but it is not yet enough. Motivation does not only come from looking up, but also looking down, looking at those who have not reached most of their dreams of even those who have not had a dream at all. It is the one who keeps me feel grateful and value myself as 'someone'.

Still, I want to be like them, the people I always look up. But I need to feel that I am still who I am, not them... :-P

Rutinitasku

2008-06-08T09:46:00.006+07:00

Melakukan rutinitas sehari-hari kadang memang menbosankan. Kalau sudah bosan begitu, rasanya ingin lepas dari rutinitas tersebut dan melakukan hal lain yang menyenangkan. Dan kesenangan itu harus aku tinggalkan dan kembali ke rutinitas, berat sekali rasanya. Namun ada juga rutinitas lain yang membuatku addicted, sehingga sulit rasanya untuk meninggalkan rutinitas itu sesaat, apa lagi selamanya - walaupun aku mulai mempertanyakan apa objektifnya. Kedua jenis rutinitas inilah yang sedang aku alami.

Bisa dibilang rutinitas terbesarku saat ini adalah "menuntut ilmu", ya termasuk kuliah, belajar sendiri, dan melakukan kegiatan-kegiatan yang, aku anggap, bermanfaat untuk pengembangan diri. Semenjak duduk di bangku kuliah, aku disibukkan dengan pikiran tentang apa yang ingin aku capai, apa orientasi masa depanku, sehingga aku juga harus berpkir apa yang harus aku lakukan sekarang untuk sampai di titik tersebut. Maka dari itu, rutinitas tersebut muncul: melakukan hal-hal yang dapat membantuku mendapatkan apa yang ingin aku capai dan juga memenuhi orientasi masa depanku.

Memfokuskan diri pada hal tersebut saat ini, mungkin, nantinya akan bermanfaat bagiku. Tapi lama-lama aku juga jenuh terus memikirkan dan melakukan rutinitas ini. Aku ingin sejenak lepas dari rutinitas itu dan melakukan sesuatu yang membuatku lupa akan hal tersebut. I did several times, terutama apa yang kulakukan beberapa minggu lalu: pergi, sendirian ke tempat yang begitu asing, begitu jauh dari tanah air, tanpa ada satupun yang aku kenal, atau setidaknya orang-orang yang berada dalam lingkaran rutinitasku.

Menyenangkan sekali. Aku tenggelam dalam kesenangan itu. Aku merasa bebas. Saking menyenangkannya, walaupun sekarang aku sudah harus kembali ke rutinitas "menuntut ilmu" tersebut, aku masih terjebak dalam kesenangan itu, terus membayangkan aku masih berada dalam kesenangan itu, yang sekarang sudah menjadi mimpi belaka.

Menyakitkan. Aku masih berharap aku masih berada dalam kesenangan itu. Tapi aku tidak bisa. Aku dipaksa untuk kembali. Aku merasa kebebasanku telah dicabut paksa oleh rutinitasku. Tapi jika aku tidak kembali, akan sama saja dengan aku meninggalkan hidup yang harus kujalani. Betapapu aku bosan dengan rutinitasku, aku tak bisa meninggalkannya.

Namun ada satu yang tidak ingin aku tinggalkan, walau hanya sesaat. Aku perjuangkan rutinitas ini selama hampir dua tahun, dengan harapan aku dapat mencapai visiku. It was not easy. Walaupun rutinitas ini sangat menyenangkan, banyak hal buruk terjadi di antaranya. Aku selalu berusaha untuk sabar dan tidak gegabah dalam menjalani rutinitas ini, karena sebisa mungkin aku tidak ingin meninggalkannya. Namun, ketika semakin banyak hal buruk terjadi, bahkan sangat menyakitkan, kesabaranku mulai habis.

Seharusnya rutinitas ini cukup simpel, hanya butuh rasa sabar dan kompromi untuk menjalaninya, dengan harapan aku akan menerima hal yang sama. Tapi apa yang aku terima?

Disrespect.

Aku kecewa. Rasa sabar dan kompromiku seperti tidak ada gunanya. Terpikir olehku untuk mengakhiri saja rutinitas ini, tapi aku terlalu takut untuk melakukannya. Aku sudah terlanjur nyaman dengan rutinitas ini, dengan semua keburukan dan kebaikannya. Aku merasa rutinitas inilah yang memberiku semangat untuk melakukan rutinitas lainnya yang membosankan. Aku terlalu mencintainya.

Namun sudah sangat menyakitkan. Saking menyakitkannya, aku mulai mempertanyakan objektif dari rutinitas ini. Kenapa aku terus sabar dan berkompromi jika aku tidak tahu untuk apa aku melakukan ini semua?

Tapi sepertinya rasa cintaku akan rutinitas ini dan semua unsur di dalamnya masih begitu kuat. Logikaku terkalahkan oleh rasa cinta tanpa syarat, walaupun aku sempat berpikir mungkin ini akan menghancurkanku perlahan-lahan suatu saat nanti.

Rutinitas hidupku membuatku gila. Tidak suka, tapi harus dilakukan. Tidak tahan, tapi tidak mau meninggalkannya. Maunya apa sih?

Ah well....

Children, keep your punctual spirit!!

2008-05-04T21:24:00.006+07:00

Our KKNM's education program began today. For the next 2 month, I will spend my Sundays by waking up so early (dammit) and teaching the cute children of SDN Padasuka.

It was ordered that the team should gather at 6.30 in front of the school,, and the event would start on 8 - that was what we inform the children's teachers and parents. But I got up late, and arrived there at around seven. There were only 5 of us (among 22) who had come. Yeahhh, this is the reason why it was announced at 6.30, coz everybody (including me today, unfortunately) would be late, and it was!!

So some of the "punctual people" and I stood in front of the school, as the gate hadn't been opened. While waiting for the kuncen to come, a motorcycle rode by a man with a little girl behind me passed through us. At first we didn't notice, but as it went back and forth through us, we started wondering; Is the girl one of our students?

Soon after that, still around seven in the morning there was a mother, with her son, coming to us. She asked us about the teaching program, and we said it would begin at eight, one hour from that time. But she said her son was excitedly hurried to come there.

I was amazed. Two students excitedly came one hour before the program began. While we, the mentors, the intellect university students, were mostly came late. What was more stunning, half an hour later, there were already around 30 students coming around total 70 students we invited!!

I feel ashamed of myself. I used to be punctual person. But when I realized people around me are not, I will turn unpunctual. But these kids, they don't care. When they want to come, they will come, no matter if they become the first person to come, and no matter if they have to wait.

Probably, it is their naiveness that makes them like that. Nevertheless, they can be a good example anyway, even for me, a so-called intellect university student.

I hope they never lose that punctual spirit until they grow up, forever.

Feeling so small in this big world

2008-04-28T15:45:00.004+07:00

Today when I had just arrived home, I was surprised by what was laid on my desk. There was a DHL document package. I knew exactly where it was from: Switzerland!! I hadn't received any email notification before that this document would be sent to me. I couldn't wait to open and figure out what inside it. Moreover, I got more excited as the document is quite heavy, compared to the previous document. I was sure there must have been many things inside!!

I opened it. Yes, my guess was correct, there were many documents; letters, booklets, map, certificate. I read them one by one. They consisted of all details for the preparation of my departure in St. Gallen; details for my departure, pick up, host, accommodation, program, rundown, and the most important one for me: contact details of all of the student participants.

I went through the names as well as their country of origin one by one, with hope that I would find another participant from Indonesia so I could contact them. Reaching the last page, I found none was from Indonesia but me.

Suddenly my heart beat. I was nervous. Now my heart is still beating. I will be totally alone, flying alone. I know I will know no one, but if only there are other participants from Indonesia, at least I have someone emotionally bounded as people from the same nationality, even though I never recognized them before.

Suddenly, too, I feel so small. Most of participants have partner from their country, not one partner, but many. While me, I will be all alone. I will be just a small individual from Indonesia, among many big groups of individual coming from the same country.

I often feel small, but I realize, this upcoming experience will be the TRUE experience of literally being small in this big world!!

However, it doesn't stop me anyway to visit this holy amazing event and beautiful country!!

How Ironic..

2008-04-27T21:50:00.004+07:00

Exactly a week ago, around 7.30 in the morning, my mom and I waited our travel to Jakarta at its Pool in Cihampelas. We sat in the waiting room with the scenery of a number of shuttle car parked in front of the room. The waiting room was windowless yet doorless *can I use this term?*, so I can smell everything coming from outside.

Smelling smoke coming from the cars wasn't a problem at all for me, as the cars are still new that they don't produce black smoke like DAMRI. But I was so much annoyed when people sitting and standing outside started smoking. I could feel the smoke coming through the waiting room, and I hate the smell!! I talked to my mother:

"I don't understand why smokers are so selfish that they smoke everywhere they want without respecting other people annoyed by it. Why can't they hold their temptation to smoke just for a couple hours and do it in the quite place? I wish they all die soon!!"

After saying the last sentence, I suddenly realized that it was such an irony to say that. Apparently, I am much helped by smokers.

My boyfriend is a smoker. No matter how much I hate it, I am still with him, because I need his presence.

But most of all, the most ironic one, I receive monthly "scholarship" in the form of "fresh money" from one of the largest Indonesian cigarette companies for one year, which has helped me a lot to support my organizational as well as academic activities. This scholarship program is initiated as part of their CSR program. The fund, precisely, comes from their profit. Where else do they get the profits but from the users of their product, cigarette? Indirectly, I am funded by smokers!!

If they die, if they don't exist, it would not have been much helpful like this for me in doing my activities.

Hating smokers is just a silly things for me, because they support me in a way. How ironic...

I hate you smokers, but thank you!!

Becoming a Shopaholic?

2008-04-18T22:42:00.007+07:00

During the last 4 months, my expenses have always been exceeded the amount of money my parents give monthly. I start wondering, am I a shopaholic now?

I still remember when my boyfriend said that I was too picky in spending money. He said I had to "enjoy my life" more by not being too strict in managing money.

Yeah, I am a strict person when it comes to the deals of money. I note my daily expenses, to know how much money I have spent, how much I still have, and how much I should spend for the rest of the month. I even have a monthly budget, which comprises of the average amount of money I have to spend for transportation, food, snacks, phone credits, and shopping. Yet I commit to myself, I have save minimum 5% of monthly allowance from my parents. I also commit to myself not to spend my money coming from the scholarship and salary unless I really need to buy something the budget of which is unprovided by my parents.

It worked in a way. But lately, for the last 4 months for exact, I cannot control myself. I have always been over budgeted up to 25%! As I checked my daily note of expenses, I found that mostly it is caused by the uncontrolled budget in buying things I want instead of need. I bought dresses, expensive donuts, otak-otak, chocolate, and cosmetics without budgeting them.

I just can't control my passion and eyes to ignore them. I used to be able to do that, but now I can't.

I still cannot find the reasons of why I break my own rules.

Is it because of what my boyfriend told me?

Is it because of the inflation resulting to the boosting price of things?

Is it because of my failure in managing myself and my money?

I often hear the word of "shopaholic", which refers to someone who love shopping, who cannot control him/herself in buying things he/she only wants instead of needs.

So, again, am I a shoapholic now?

New Thursday

2008-04-03T22:41:00.004+07:00

Hari Kamis ini terasa berbeda dengan hari-hari Kamis sebelumnya selama hampir 2 tahun ini. Pukul 15.00, saya sudah sampai di rumah, dan 5 menit kemudian saya makan nasi timbel komplit yang ibu saya beli di dekat Taman Lalu Lintas. Apa yang berbeda??

Selama hampir 2 tahun ini, setiap hari Kamis, saya selalu luangkan waktu saya di sore selama 2 hingga 3 jam untuk mengajar piano privat. Tapi tidak dengan hari ini, begitu juga dengan Kamis-kamis yang akan datang; saya sudah memutuskan untuk keluar dari dunia ajar-mengajar piano.

Kenapa??

Saya punya banyak alasan yang bisa diibilang dibuat-buat (alasan dimana-mana emang "dibuat "kan?).

Saya sedang KKN, jadi akan sangat sibuk. Sebenarnya tidak akan terlalu sibuk juga, karena sebenarnya waktu bisa diatur-atur, dan disempatkan. Tapi saya tidak mau dan tidak mampu. Alasannya, mulai bulan Maret ini peraturan bahwa tiap guru harus mengajar minimal 16 jam sudah mulai diberlakukan.

Saya ingin fokus. Akhir-akhir ini saya merasa memegang terlalu banyak hal. Kuliah, mengajar piano, AIESEC, Beswan, scholarship hunter, renegade, mengajar bahasa.. Sebenarnya prioritas saya saat ini apa sih?? Saya mulai berpikir, dan ternyata, mengajar piano bukanlah proritas saya saat ini, bahkan mungkin tidak masuk dalam jajaran prioritas utama dalam hidup saya. Jadi mengapa saya harus terus melakukannya??

Memang terkesan egois, saya meninggalkan murid-murid saya begitu saja dan menyerahkannya ke orang lain. Sempat ada perasaan sedih juga harus meninggalkan mereka. Tapi jika saya terus merasa bahwa saya ini egois dan merasa sedih, bisa-bisa saya akan terus terjebak dengan ketidakjelasan prioritas dan arah hidup saya. Selain itu, bisa-bisa hal ini juga dapat menghambat saya dalam melakukan hal-hal yang lebih menjadi prioritas saya.

Namun tidak bisa dipungkiri, saya pun tetap menjadikan mata pencaharian ini sebagai salah satu pilihan ketika saya nanti sudah menikah dan punya anak. Alasannya, jamnya fleksibel dan pendapatannya sangat lumayan. Karena saya kira ketika saya sudah menikah nanti saya akan dihadapkan pada 2 pilihan, kerja full time tanpa memiliki kesempatan membesarkan anak secara langsung, atau tetap kerja tetapi hanya part time sehingga saya punya waktu luang untuk anak. Mengajar piano sepertinya bisa jadi salah satu pilihan kerja part time.

Saat ini saya merasa cukup lega bahwa saya akhirnya dapat melepaskan dunia mengajar piano ini. Tapi saya juga agak menyesal, karena mulai bulan ini, pendapatan bulanan saya akan berkurang setengahnya!! Itu artinya saya tidak bisa lagi belanja dan makan enak sepuasnya, huhuhuhuhhuuuuu.....

Mengambil keputusan memang selalu ada konsekuensinya ya..

Nadia Amalia

Soft Lens Warna-warni vs. Rambut Gondrong

2008-04-02T18:17:00.004+07:00

Kalau saya perhatikan akhir-akhir ini, makin banyak cewe yang lebih suka pake soft lens daripada kacamata, dan soft lens yang mereka pakai berwarna-warni. Mulai dari yang warnanya emang ada beneran seperti coklat, biru, hijau, abu-abu, dan variasinya, sampai warna-warna yang tidak "lazim", seperti ungu.

Dan kalau saya perhatikan juga akhir-akhir ini, makin banyak juga cowo yang memiliki model rambut gondrong dengan poni panjang sampai menutupi wajah. Dari yang hanya sedikit menutupi wajah, sampai rambut terlihat lebih dominan di depan wajahnya daripada wajahnya sendiri.

Mengapa bisa terjadi fenomena seperti ini? *euleuh fenomena*

Saya punya dua asumsi tentang hal-hal ini:
1. Karena itu merupakan suatu asesoris, tentunya hal tersebut dilakukan untuk menjadikan penampilan terlihat lebih oke, dan menambah rasa percaya diri.. karena, siapa juga yang mau berdandan supaya terlihat makin buruk??
2. Karena asesori tersebut "menutupi" bentuk dan onderdil asli wajah, bisa saja hal tersebut dilakukan untuk menutupi rasa minder karena merasa tidak suka dengan bentuk dan onderdil asli wajah itu sendiri.

Apapun alasannya, kalau menurut saya memakai soft lens warna-warni atau menggondrongkan rambut sampai menutupi wajah sama saja dengan tidak mensyukuri apa yang Tuhan berikan.

Warna mata diciptakan begitu karena warna mata itulah yang cocok dengan keadaan dan bentuk wajah kita. Berusaha menggantinya denga warna lain sama saja dengan melawan kodrat.

Rambut diciptakan untuk melengkapi keindahan bentuk wajah, bukan menutupinya. Berusaha menutupinya sama denagn membenci diri sendiri.

So, I think it's nothing but trying to be artificial...

PS: Ini bukan untuk menyinggung pihak-pihak tertentu loh, saya cuma mau menyampaikan apa yang ada di pikiran saja.. pisss!!!

Things happen for a reason..

2008-03-31T19:16:00.007+07:00

To see where I am standing now, what I am doing, and what I have achieved, make me realize how the life I have been through makes them possible..

I looked back to about 9 years ago, when I first stepped into Junior High School. It was not really the school that I wanted to be in. But it was not a problem anyway, since I did not what school was for. I just did what the teachers told me to do, hanged out with friends. My performance was excellent. Everything was plain yet flat. I did not even have any conflicts, internally and externally.

Then 3 years afterwards, I went to Senior High School. This time, this is the school that I always wanted to be in, since it was (and still) one of the most popular school in Bandung. The situation was contrast with my previous school, and somehow it depressed me. I still did not know what school was for, why I had to study math, physics, chemistry, and all those science stuff. While I had a great internal conflict of finding myself, I was determined to have another great conflict with the ones I trust the most. This made me lose trust within myself; I hated myself. My performance dropped significantly, at least in the middle level. I drowned myself in all those conflicts, revenge, as well as confusedness. I did not know who I was and what I wanted to be. I finally could get out of it in my last year of Senior High School, but still I did not know what to do and why I was there.

But it was too late to fix the whole things inside me I have messed up. The problem I had during my first 1.5 years in Senior High School led me to the biggest failure of my entire life - I thought at that time. I did not have a control on myself, I failed to enter the department I wanted the most. Instead, I had to face the reality that I had to enter the department that I did not want the most. But what could I do? It happened because what I had done in 3 years of searching for myself in Senior High School.

At the edge of desperateness, I tried to accept what had happened. I wanted to be responsible of the path I had taken into that place. This thing had opened my eyes to fix my life.

As I stepped to English Department, I was so skeptical about this department. Why should I study English while I already fluent in it? But I tried to face it anyway. In the middle of uncertainty cause by myself, I was introduce to AIESEC. At first, I thought I was just an organization that facilitated me to go abroad. Indeed, it was my reason of joining the selection to enter the organization. I was accepted.

I did not think it was a tight competition to get into the organization. I had been used to take selection of organization since I was in Senior High School, and I always made it. But then, as I was introduced deeper the organization, I realized how lucky I was to be here, even until now. I was a tight competition. My passion to AIESEC encouraged me to start to look for my future.

In the meantime, the feeling of uncertainty to study in English department led me to try to find what I could and would do here.

The combination of involvement in AIESEC and the search of what English Department led me the effort that made a fruit. I started to find myself, what I did, and what I wanted to do. My performance boosted very significantly that made me realize that I could value myself. Moreover, I then met a "special" person in AIESEC who could direct me more in all aspect of life, even until now.

I feel so lucky yet grateful to be in English department. I am proud of being in AIESEC.

Since then, I have achieved a lot of things. In studying, my GPA is above average. In personal life, I have a special person that I love. In AIESEC, I am entrusted to hold a position of manager in national level. In other external activities, I was chosen to receive a one-year scholarship, I was chosen to join a business competition, and recently, the most fascinating for me, I am chosen among 200 best students from 1,000 applicants around the world to attend a prestigious conference through a competitive international essay competition.

I do not know how to express my gratefulness that I finally made to this stage. All of those are achieved because of the efforts I have put in everything I do for the last 3 year, during my study at the university and my involvement in AIESEC, and because of the series things happened before. However, I would not have possibly have it all if I had a different flow of life. My life now would have been so different if I never had internal and external conflicts when I was in Senior High School. My life would have been different if I went to the department I wanted. If I never had a big failure, I doubt I will ever think about what I want to do and achieve. But now, things look clearer for me now, even though I know lots of challenges will come and needs to be overcome.

One thing I have realized now, things happen for a reason. If we can find the positive side, we will feel to be the luckiest person in this world!

Nadia Amalia

Saya Bangga Menjadi Seorang Muslim!

2008-03-29T22:46:00.008+07:00

Beberapa jam yang lalu, ketika saya sedang mencari definisi sebuah kata di search engine Google, seperti biasa saya buka link dengan tab baru apabila ada link yang saya "kira" dapat memenuhi kriteria apa yang sedang saya cari. Alangkah kagetnya saya ketika melihat link situs yang baru saja saya buka. Situs tersebut adalah forum diskusi nasional di bawah jaringan internasional yang tidak hanya menjelekkan agama saya, tetapi melecehkan Tuhan dan Rasul yang selalu saya abdi.

Terlihat jelas situs itu sengaja dibuat untuk pelecehan terhadap agama Islam; HANYA ISLAM! Dan sepertinya situs tersebut memang sengaja dibuat untuk membuat para muslim goyah dengan keyakinannya. Harus saya akui, para pengisi forum tersebut sangat cerdas dalam membuat "fakta" yang menjatuhkan Islam. Begitu meyakinkan sehingga saya yakin orang yang belum terlalu yakin dengan Islam akan sangat mudah terpengaruh. Terbukti banyak yang "berterima kasih" kepada forum tersebut karena telah menyadarkan mereka untuk meninggalkan Islam.

Saya menulis ini bukan karena saya ingin menghujat balik, saya hanya ingin bilang bahwa setelah membaca isi-isi forum di situs tersebut, saya merasa sangat bersyukur dan bangga bahwa saya adalah seorang muslim. Memang rata-rata muslim yang ikut nimbrung di forum tersebut "kalah telak"dalam perdebatan, tapi saya punya alasan kuat untuk makin kuat memeluk agama yang saya yakini saat ini:

1. Tidak ada forum diskusi resmi (buku, situs, film) yang diterbitkan oleh orang Muslin yang melecehkan Tuhan dan Nabi-nabi agama lain sebagai penipu, sex maniac, bejat, tolol, dsb.
2. Muslim tidak menggunakan kata-kata kasar seperti dungu, bego, tolol, tidak punya otak, ke umat beragama lain
3. Tidak ada Muslim yang berusaha menafsirkan kitab suci agama lain tanpa memiliki dasar ilmu yang kuat dan membuat interpretasi yang buruk dari pemahaman dia sendiri

Memang tidak bisa dipungkiri bahwa saya sebagai seorang muslim tidak pernah tidak membicarakan agama dan umat beragama lain, dan saya yakin tiap umat beragama tak dapat menghindari pembicaraan tentang agama dan umat beragama lain. Tetapi, saya tahu dan yakin bahwa umat muslim tidak akan melakukan 3 hal yang saya sebutkan di atas. Maka dari itu, saya bangga sebagai muslim karena Islam penuh kasih sayang dan tidak melecehkan kesakralan agama lain. Saya yakin, memang itulah seharusnya nature seluruh umat beragama, apapun itu.

Mungkin tulisan ini terlalu berbau SARA, tapi setidaknya di sini saya tidak menyebut nama agama selain agama saya sendiri, Islam.

And most importantly, saya kan yang punya otoritas di blog saya :)

Takut? Marah? Sedih?

2008-03-29T20:13:00.005+07:00

Even though I've known the real truth, I have never expected to become part of it. I've tried to deny that fact, but in fact it haunts me. But it seems like I cannot escape from it.

Whether it was serious or not, I am so disappointed that I eventually have to hear it. I just can't believe it comes to me. It makes me angry, but at the same time, sad. I've tried so hard to build up my foundation for more than a year, and is it what I received?

What a shame.....

No one's gonna understand, I just wanna write this for myself...

-nadia amalia-

Future Orientation = Marriage?

2008-03-27T22:51:00.006+07:00

Few days ago on my way back home from Jatinangor with DAMRI, I stuck in conversation with my friend Karjo. As usual, we love to talk about many things during our journey. Otherwise, we will sleep with a very uncomfortable way and when arriving, wake up in a very uncomfortable way..

Okay, let's get down to the topic. During the halfway on the free way, Karjo suddenly asked me about my plan to continue my study to Master degree.

Yes, I always think about continuing my study, but when, and how?

This is in the list of my goals, my future orientation, to achieve what I want to achieve. But this is not the only future orientation of mine.

So suddenly I came out with these thoughts:

If I take master degree before I get married, will I ever get married?

Since I won't let what I have done useless, I have to do my best to utilize what I have studied and get. I don't want to waste things I have gained so hard. But then I will forget about taking my life to the next step or the marriage.

If I take master degree before I get married, and then get married, will I utilize the knowledge of my study?

I don't want to degrade myself as a woman, but in fact, when getting married, I have to choose either to become a housewife and leave career achievement or to become a career woman and never have the chance to raise children by my own. I believe this: as a woman, I cannot have it all. It is a choice.

At my stage now, I cannot imagine how it is like to build a family, manage house, manage the "real" relationship with husband. Hence, I cannot imagine what choice I should take then. I desperately want to be a career woman now, but when having a family, the situation will be totally different, which I am sure it will turn as a very tough decision to choose.

If I take master degree after I get married, will I truly take it?

Actually it is the"safest" choice. After feeling the life of marriage, I can really decide then what step to take. If being career woman, I'll continue to master degree. If being housewife, I'll just leave it. But then my possibility of experiencing studying in master degree is only 50:50. It might happen that I will never experience it, if it turns out that I decide to be a housewife. I don't want to miss that experience in my only chance of living in this world.

Concerning this future orientation, I realize that every consideration should be connected to marriage. There will a time when I cannot always do things for myself. When it comes to the stage of sharing life with other people (in so doing are husband, children), individual goals should be aligned with it.

It turns out that the main future orientation, above all, is the marriage.

SOMBONG BGT!!

2008-03-21T19:17:00.004+07:00

Wess tenang dulu. Ini bukan hujatan yang saya tujukan kepada seseorang, namun sebah hujatan yang seseorang tujukan untuk saya.

Saya tidak sedih, malah ingin ketawa.

Sekitar pukul 1745 tadi, ada sms masuk ke ponsel GSM saya. Karena saya sedang asyik baca Femina, saya diamkan saja. Tak lama kemudian, telepon ponsel saya berdering, tapi langsung berhenti.

Itu pasti miskal.

Setelah selesai membaca Femina, saya cek ponsel saya. Ada satu sms dan satu miskal. Saya cek, itu miskal dari orang tak dikenal, karena tidak ada namanya, Lalu saya cek smsnya, ternyata dari nomor yang sama yang ada di daftar miskal tadi. Saya buka dan baca:

"Ass....maaf ini nadya y?blz" *ditulis sama persis dengan aslinya*

Siapa ni orang? Belum apa-apa dah minta dibales aja smsnya.

Karena penasaran saya balas:

"Iya,ini siapa?"

Karena sudah adzan Magrib, saya pun wudhu lalu solat. Selesai solat, saya cek ponsel saya lagi. Ada satu sms dan satu miskal lagi. Masih dari orang yang sama:

"Kenalin aq *****...km kulz dmn?jurusan apa?aq ganggu g?blz" *nama sengaja saya samarkan, untuk menghindara ada pihak yang tersinggung :-P*

Gila ni orang, ga sopan banget!! Belum kenal dah langsung tanya-tanya. Padahal belum ngasih tau dapet nomer gw dari mana, asal dari mana... Udah maksa buat dibales, miskal-miskal lagi, ngeganggu banget.

Saya diamkan saja, karena saya memang malas mengurusi orang-orang tidak sopan seperti itu.

Tak lama kemudian, ada sms masuk lagi. Dari orang yang sama:

"Nadya ko g d blz sih?Aq da ganggu km y?"

Tiba-tiba terpikir oleh saya, daripada dia miskal-miskal lagi, lebih baik aku beri jawaban yang membuat dia tidak akan mengguanggu saya lagi:

"Ga tertarik lbh tepatnya lg..such a waste of (my) credit and time sending sms" *belagu banget yak?*

Tak lama kemudian ada sms masuk lagi dari dia. Ketika membacanya, saya tertawa. Rencana saya berhasil:

"SOMBONG BGT!!!"

Saya tidak peduli apa yang dia pikir tentang saya. Toh dia tidak kenal saya. Memang, mungkin saya terlalu suuzon. Mungkin saja dia orang baik-baik yang hanya berkenalan. Tapi saya kira, jika maksud dia baik, dia tidak akan bersikap tidak sopan seperti itu. Miskal, minta smsnya dibalas, hanya menyebutkan nama tanpa memberitahukan latar belakang dia dari mana dan dari mana dia dapat nomor saya. Itu tidak sopan. Jadi saya juga berhak dong bersikap sinis terhadapnya.

Kalau berkenalan dengan seseorang, tunjukanlah sikap yang sopan. That matters....

Hidup ini Keras Bu!!

2008-03-21T18:33:00.004+07:00

Saya memang sudah tahu dari dulu kalau hidup ini keras, terutama sejak kuliah. Menghabiskan minimal 3 jam dalam sehari duduk di dalam bis DAMRI yang penuh sesak, panas, dan bau menjadi indikator "kekerasan" hidup versi saya.

Tapi, kejadian 2 hari yang lalu, tepatnya Rabu 19 Maret 2008, jelas merupakan kejadian paling "keras" yang pernah saya rasakan semenjak kuliah di Dunia Jatinangor.

Seperti biasa, hari Rabu di semester 6 ini saya kuliah mulai pukul 9.15 sampai 10.55. Setelah puas mendengarkan penjelasan "subjektif" dari dosen saya (karena saya memang sadar sejak banyak belajar menulis bahwa tidak ada yang objektif di dunia ini), saya harus menunggu sampai pukul 13.10 kuliah berikutnya. Seperti biasa Jatinangor panas, tapi mau bagaimana lagi, mau tidak mau di situlah saya menuntut ilmu. Yah, udara panas Jatinangor adalah salah satu "keras"nya hidup yang harus saya hadapi, hehehehe

Kuliah pun selesai sekitar pukul 14.30, saya dan Karjo langsung menuju Pangdam alias Pangkalan DAMRI untuk naik bis. Tapi begitu sampai sana tidak ada satupun bis yang ngetem, yang saya lihat malah segerombolang manusia yang *mungkin* sudah menunggu lama datangnya Sang Bis DAMRI. Setelah menunggu sekitar 15 menit, datang juga bis DU-Jatinangor. Karena jalanan macet, Si Bis terhenti di antara mobil-mobil. Tahu banyak orang sudah menunggu bis tersebut, semua orang pun berlari menuju bis itu, yang bahkan belum sempat menurunkan penumpang yang dari Bandung, dan berebut masuk takut tidak kebagian tempat duduk. Otomatis saya dan Karjo pun lari menyerbu. Sambil berdesak-desakan saya berusaha menerobos orang-orang yang berusaha masuk ke bis. Seperti biasa, saya selalu berhasil, dan saya pun dapat tempat duduk.

Walaupun saudah penuh, Sang Kondektur tetap saja memaksakan agar semua bisa masuk. Alhasil yang berdiri pun hampir tak bisa bergeral saking penuhnya. Tanpa ngetem lagi, bis pun langsung berangkat.

Memasuki jalan tol, Sang Supir tancap gas. Wajar lah, namanya juga jalan tol, gak afdol kalo gak ngebut, walaupun onderdil kendaraan sudah tidak kuat.

Di tengah-tengah jalan tol, sekitar pukul 16.00, tiba-tiba terdengar bunyi "DOR" yang sangat keras. Bis pun oleng! Untungnya Pak Supir sudah ahli, jadi walaupun dalam keadaan sangat ngebut, bis tidak terguling. Mau tidak mau bis harus berhenti di bahu jalan tol. Semua penumpang pun turun dari bis. Begitu juga dengan saya dan Karjo.

Tak lama kemudian, sekitar 5 menit kemudian, mendadak hujan turun, deras pula.

Sial. Nasib gue..

Untungnya Karjo bawa payung, jadi kami berlindung di bawah payung. tapi tak lama kemudian..

Kok tetap kena ujan ya??

Ternyata payungnya bocor!!

Ahhhh sial lagiiii!!!

Tapi kami tak bisa melakukan apa-apa, terpaksalah kami kami tetap harus berbasah-basah di bawah payung.

Berharap ada orang baik hati yang mau berhenti dan membawa kami keluar tol dengan mobilnya, tapi itu nampak tidak mungkin. Malahan, beberapa mobil lewat sambil membunyikan klaksonnya dengan maksud mengejek. Sial!!

Setelah sejam menunggu dengan kehujanan di bawah payung, ada mobil elf yang biasanya mengangkut penumpang jurusan Garut-Leuwipanjang berhenti dan menawarkan tumpangan. Denagn senang hati kami berlari menuju elf itu langsung naik, tidak peduli sepatu sudah super basah.

Di perjalanan, aku kira semua sudah beres. Dari Leuwipanjang, aku bisa naik taksi sampai rumah, gampang!

Turun di Leuwipanjang, aku pun langsung menyetop taksi. Pas banget.

"Mau ke mana Neng?" tanya Si Supir

"Ke Dago Timur, Pak"

"Tapi lewat jalan tol ya, Neng. Macet di mana-mana."

Oh iya, besok kan long weekend, pasti semua orang pulang kampung.

Tapi aku sudah tidak peduli. Daripada naik angkot 3 kali dan entah jam berapa sampai rumah, lebih baik aku naik taksi lewat tol. Walaupaun lebih mahal, tapi gak akan seberapa lah.

"Oke deh Pak"

Saya pun naik taksi.

Di sepanjang perjalanan sebelum jalan tol, saya bisa lihat jalur sebelah macet total di mana-mana. Tapi untungnya jalur yang saya lewati tidak macet, apalagi jalan tol. Lancar dan cepat!

Waktu taksi yang saya tumpangi keluar dari tol Pasteur, saya lihat berapa argonya.

My Gosh!! 32 rebu!!

Saya hanya bisa berharap supaya cepat sampai rumah. Tapi ketika sampai Taman Sari, ternyata jalan di sana macet sampai Siliwangi.

Yah, lama lagi nih nyampe rumah.

Sementara itu, argo taksi terus saja naik. Saya makin senewen.

Sekitar 10 menit terjebak macet sampai Siliwangi, Si Supir memutuskan untuk memotong jalan lewat Dago Asri. Dan itu memang keputusan yang tepat, karena Simpang memang macet total.

Ketika keluar dari Dago Asri, saya lega bahwa saya akhirnya sampai juga, walaupun belum masuk jalan Dago Timur. Itu karena saya yakin tidak akan ada lagi hambatan. Dan itu memang benar.

Sesamapinya di depan rumah saya lihat lagi argonya

Edan!! 51400!!

Karena Pak Supirnya cukup baik, saya kasih 55 ribu. Itu adalah ongkos taksi termahal yang pernah saya bayar dalam hidup saya.

Nasib,, nasib,,

Ini adalah pengalaman yang tidak akan pernah saya lupakan, karena itu akan selalu mengingatkan saya bahwa hidup ini keras dan butuh pengorbanan!!

I won't forget that evening...

2008-03-07T22:30:00.004+07:00

Yeah sure, how can I not?

I was just an ordinar evening, very ordinary. I have just taken a bath and then I opened my laptop. As usual, I was going to see my boyfriend, virtually, just like we always do, through YM chat.

When signing in, there he was, already waiting for me. So I greeted him. Again as usual, I never forgot to open my two yahoo mails. It was already 2 days that I hadn't checked my mail. Yeah, for me, 2 days is quite a long duration of time, since I almost always check my emails every day.

As I checked my private email address, there were 13 new messeges, while in my public email, I had 74 new messege.

"it's a lot..."

So I decided to read the messeges in my private email first, while keep chatting. Most of them were from the mailing list of English dept. They were scholarship information, which I always wait for. *yeah, I'm always excited about scholarship information*

But there was one mail that catch my eyes, it was the only mail which was not from the mailing list. I knew exactly where it was from. I have received 2 mails from that address before. What I thought at that moment:

"Ah another mail from them. What can I expect. I won't get that chance. It must be just another chit-chat... The announcement is still at least 2 weeks from now..."

But I opened it anyway. I read the first paragraph. And yeah, indeed, it was a chit-chat. But I contines to read the second paragraph, but by skimming this time. So I didn't know exactly what the content was. *then it's not skimming, you idiot!* But then the next paragraph, they metion something about "congratulating". I didn't understand, why should they say that?

Then I tried to read it more carefully. Surprising. I was stunned. My hands started to tremble.

"Is it true? Am I misunderstood? Am I that stupid that I am not sure comprehending the words?"

I ran to my dad by bringing my laptop. I asked him to read the mail, and told me what it was about. It was the same.

Apparently, I GOT THE CHANCE!!! I just couldn't believe it. I didn't scream, I didn't jump out of my seat, because I didn't know what to do to express how happy I was.

I've been waiitng for this moment to come. Not only is it because I got the grant *of course I like the grant so much that I always dreamed about*, but also my creation that is being acknowledged in this level. Apart from how they judge it, but I am just so glad that they picked me. I hope it is fully because of my creation's quality.

That evening, yesterday, is the moment I won't forget. It was the happiest moment of life when I felt I had just achieved bigger than ever!!

Now what I can do is to wait again, wait for the next step they will take for me. I hope everything is well so that joyfulness will be perfect!!

INCUBUS Night Fever!!!!

2008-03-06T19:29:00.004+07:00

Last night's Incubus live concert was totally incredible!! I finally had the chance to watch my most favorite band from only 5 meters away. The band is great, as well as songs!! Crowded situation doesn't make me feel sick as I was hypnotized by their performance.

I didn't wanna lose any chances to see them closely, so my brother and I already took our place one and half hours before the show started. It was still quite empty so that we could stand near thestage. Even though it was quite boring to wait that long time among many people smoking *since I hate smokers*, I am so grateful that it made me able to see my favorite singer closely, huahahaha!!!

When the band got into the stage and began to play the song "Quicksand", everybody was screming and so was I, hehehe.. Unfortunately, in the beginning the singer's voice wasn't really heard perfectly. At first I was a bit disappointed since it was his live voice that I despeaely wanted to hear. But then in the middle, I was stunned and didn't blink my eyes when I could hear the voice clearly. Ohhh Brandon, how can you have such amazing voice?!! I just can't stop listening to it!!

But most of all, the band performance was perfect!! I must say that they are such an amazing band!! From vocal, guitar, drum, bass, percussion, DJ - each has their own uniqueness and increadible performance. They are combined into a beautiful harmony.

But the only thing that made me not 100% satisfied is that they only play a few of their songs in the latest album "Lighr Grenades." Whereas, I really wanna hear them singing "Love Hurts" or "Dig". Those are the songs I waited the most. But until the 20th song they sang, which was the last, the songs didn't show up, huhuhuhuuuuu.....

Anyway, overall I don't regret at all that I paid expensive to see their live concert. I had been waiting for this since I was in senior high school, and now I've made it!! There's nothing else I am waiting the most but Incubus.

Lagi apa?

2008-02-10T10:49:00.002+07:00

I just wanna say that this clause makes me sick lately.

Not only is it because I seldom receive a reply, or at least a warm reply, when I send a text messege to ask this, but also I have just known now that I am not NOT THE ONLY PERSON who likes to send this messege!!!

Make sense why it happens to me...

Jealousy?? Could be...

Count Down to TrustDay

2008-02-10T10:05:00.001+07:00

Hmmmhhhh... Can't wait the excitement of Trust Day next two weeks!!

I feel so glad and proud that I can represent my university to join this game. But most of all, I can represent my department. I'm sure no one in my department has ever joined this kind of competition. I can finally proof that an English student of UNPAD can achieve something BIG.

This is only a start. I still have a long way to go to achieve more,, and more,, and more..... Not only in this game, but also in the other competitions, whatever it is. And for this game, I must put a high target, coz I'm sure my team can!!

SPBU at Dago (again)?

2008-02-07T20:01:00.002+07:00

I thought when SPBU at Dago near the flyover closed there will be no more SPBU around there, coz what the government said about closing that SPBU is to make Dago as a place not for SPBU. Moreover, there have been one SPBU in Dipati Ukur and one in Dago Atas near Terminal Dago. It makes sense that there should not be any SPBU around there since the number is already enough.

But then, few days ago, after not seeing Dago for almost two weeks because of my taking vacation to Malang and Semarang, I passed Dago and I saw the place accross EEP that it is under SPBU construction!!! Gosh, I cannot imagine an SPBU in the middle of Heritage buildings and houses!!! What if it suddenly explodes? I have no idea why the government breaks their promise and permit the developer to build it there.

Dago has been a crowded place since Factory Outlets spread all over it. I cannot imagine how the crowd and traffic jam will be if there is and SPBU right in the middle of those places. As a Bandung and Dago resident in particular, I am sad. I am sad that Dago turns worse and worse. It should be a beatiful place. It should be a place to find a peaceful, not a crowd and a place to fill gasoline for vehicles....

I'm not a Super Woman

2008-02-02T22:01:00.001+07:00

I thought I could grab any kind of opportunities coming after me. I thought I could handle any tasks given at once. Apparently, my body isn't strong enough to cope wth all of those things.

I am a multitasker. Consequently, I need to be a well-managed person, in terms of the time management. Yes, I have it. I plan my activities weekly, especially wen I have lots of deadlineto catch. I make agenda in which I have to be strict with. I can eventually handle all of them. But, sometimes I just can't control everything. Sometimes things come unexpectedly.

I collapse. Not is it because I fail to manage my time, not is it because I don't have anough meal time. It's just beyond my control.

NowI realize, I'm a super woman who can do everything, even though I have manage and plan it so well, because I can't forecast what's going to happen tomorrow. It might occur that the plan always goes well

What a great holiday!!

2008-02-02T18:51:00.001+07:00

My "holiday" to Malang was totally amazing!! Not only did I attend National Conference, beyond my expectation and plan, I had a chance to visit Mt. Bromo with the AIESECers!!

To be able to see the sun rising behind the mountain, we had to leave from Malang at 1 a.m. We arrived at around 4 a.m., and the weather was soooo cold. I don't know exactly the temperature, but I guess it was below 10 degrees.

I was soooo happy to see the sunrise. It was absolutely beautiful. Luckily, I bring my camera (I never bring a camera to Natcon before) and I caught some great views there ;)

When the sky was getting brighter, we continue our journey to go to the crater. I don't know what crater it was, but I think it wasn't Mt.Bromo crater *Well, I don't have an adquate knowledge about the mountain there :D*. To get to the top and see the crater, we had to ride a horse. After more than 10 years I hadn't rode a horse, I had the chance to do it there. The horse I rode was funny yet "unique". When there were no other horses in his sight, he didn't want to move. Poor horse, I think he was afraid if he had to move alone, hahahaha!!!

On the top, the scenary was really amazing!! I could see a wide desert of volcanic ashes from above. And in the middle of the desert, there were Hindi temple. Quite unique though.

Over all, my holiday was perfect!! Even though I got badly fever afterwards (even until now), I don't regret having too much fun there :)